Cadcyla #2

 ~HALLELUJAH~

After this second infusion of what seems to be exactly what I needed to end out the year, "God be praised!" 

 I have reason to rejoice, for sure.  After a beyond-rough year for this world, there are not enough words to describe the hardships, suffering, agony, loneliness, confused disturbances, and loss, storms, and pain of all kinds.  However, this year is coming to an end.  

Perhaps a new number with which to name and organize time will allow us to better receive the gift of joy.  Perhaps the Brouhahas and Bally-Hoos will pull back, making way for more peace.  Perhaps many of the lack of peace on earth will remain the same, but each person can choose to step up and beyond.  In all the ways of experiencing suffering and strife, therein lies the choice to embrace hope.  

Gifts of joy, peace, and hope to rise above the trials of every year are available to all, but must be received.  Their powers to change hearts become powerless if not chosen and cherished.  

The challenge I have had from experiences as I've survived nearly a decade of BTHO cancer have changed me.  My individual attempts to convert from a feeling that sarcasm and simply pushing aside the downheartedness, were the best coping mechanisms for trials, had to change.  I had survived by adopting the mental and emotional survival skill of expecting the worst and hoping for the best.  This thinking was a small step in the right direction.  It helped me to see that focusing my energies toward hoping for better made me stronger and more grateful for the tiniest rays of light.

Unfortunately, experiences sometimes don't level up toward the best for years and years.....or ever.  How can there be survival with no pink skies or rainbows to break up eons of storms?  I began to turn my heart when my own trials turned to more than I could bear.  My previous disrespectful judgments of those being defeated by challenges which felt less difficult than my own, changed to the understanding that everyone has their own cankers and cancers.  There is corruption in every country.  We all are challenged, at times, on how to truly believe the light will ever shine again. 

After years and years of receiving healing gifts, I know that light shines---------always.  From the new star in the sky so long ago, to the similar symbol during the winter solstice of this corrupted and contaminated calendar turn.  To all those still suffering in what feels like constant darkness, believe that hard times can change.  Each heart and mind can allow the heavenly gifts of love and hope and peace to seep in and brighten darkness.  The same spirit of joy and love and peace can flood the globe beyond one holiday.  It starts in celebration of the gift of baby born under the light of the star, who continues as  He shares His gifts to all mankind for every night to come. It continues for the year ahead, which will be better as we let the gift of that light so shine.    

"...King of kings!                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Forever and ever Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

And Lord of lords!                                                                                                                    Forever and ever Hallelujah! Hallelujah! 

King of kings and Lord of lords!

 

...And He shall reign
And He shall reign
And He shall reign forever and ever 

King of kings (Forever and ever)
And He shall reign (Hallelujah! Hallelujah!)
And He shall reign forever and ever
King of kings! and Lord of lords!
King of kings! and Lord of lords!
And He shall reign forever and ever
Forever and ever
Forever and ever
Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
Hallelujah!"

                                                ---Handel/Eshkeri, 1741

This masterpiece has especially resonated with my soul, as we have entered the Christmas season of 2020.  I hope the meaning can spread all the gifts of Christmas to your heart this year and bring hope for years to come!

My Christmas week at the Cancer Clinic was lovely.  I was able to bring gifts to cheer and share smiles to may masked faces.  Dr. Cole was excited to have my same pj's at home, and gave me the last check-over of the year.  I was clear to proceed for the day.  The Fellow came to say goodbye, as his six months with Dr. Cole is ending.  "This will be the last time I see you."  I handed him a shiny star ornament and thanked him for being a star in my journey.

 I heard him exclaim, and he strolled out the door, "I've never received a gift from a patient before!"  He turned back to smile and give thanks for the gift. I saw that the light was there to uplift.The nurses were shocked and gave a jolly, ol' cry.  "Oh, girl! Merry Christmas! You always surprise!"  In my Holly pajamas, and red, sparkly hat, I pulled more gifts from my bag, just like that.  Again came the joy and the glints in their eyes.....the Christmas Spirit present gave love to all sides.  

Soon I was out until the next year, with hopes someday they'll all cheer: "Cancer's ALL CLEAR!" 

May the Light of the World shine to homes and hearts always.  Merry Christmas, and BTHO all your trials and hard times.  Much love to all, and Joy for the New Year.

 

New Chemo: Cadcyla + Appointment with Cole (Plus Fellow + PA)

How happy I am to be able to trash those stinkin' chemo pills! As crazy as it sounds, I would much rather show up to the clinic and have a chemo infusion than to have to monitor it on my own from home.  I didn't feel like those pills were good to my body or fighting cancer enough to balance out the annoying side effects.

On top of the excitement of starting something new, my sister was in town to take me to the appointment! She has never been able to see the office before, and it was nice to be able to have time to catch up, one-on-one.  

My appointment with Dr. Cole went really well.  Before I saw her, I went through the nurse check-up, then  met with the office's new PA. Her resume was ridiculously great, very impressive!  She was kind and very thorough. Then, Dr. Cole's fellow came in.  He is an Aggie, so I knew I would be in good hands.  Then, his entire background and educational history blew my mind.  He came in the office and introduced himself, and met me and my twin baby sister.  (Even though we are 11 years apart in age, we are often called The Twins, since we are so alike.). The Fellow asked if we really are twins, and we all laughed a bit at the moment.  (I was surprised that after all I've been through that I could still be here and be able to look well enough that I could stand with my baby sister and still be compared as "twins!"

Next, The Fellow got to know me and my history a bit.  The minute all the questions started, I could see the wheels turning in his brain. He called me "a unique patient," and that he could learn so much from me.    Then, he went off to research a few questions he had about the new chemo and some of my past uniqueness.  I think he was checking to see if Brachydactyly is actually my true diagnosis or if my genetic hand condition is actually something else, something that would not react well with Kadcyla.   

Dr. Cole met with me next and  explained the new chemo, the possible side effects, and signed off for me to begin today.  (The Fellow discovered that his hand hypothesis was incorrect.  I think he just needed to check from an Aggie's point of view, as my diagnosis was made in Lubbock, TX, at a school which might have given him some concern on accuracy.) 

Once that quandary was answered, my sister and I were off to the infusion room. I was thinking that the chemo process would go by pretty quickly.  Instead, there was lots and lots of waiting.  My nurse explained that they have a new pharmacist  who had to check out all of my history before she would release my chemo, even though DR. COLE HAD ALREADY SIGNED OFF ON IT!!!  She needed to know about my most recent ECHO.  Apparently two months ago wasn't recent enough?  After waiting and waiting, I was FINALLY able to start, as long as I agreed to set up another ECHO before the next appointment.  

In addition to all the wait time to receive the actual drug, I had to wait another hour after infusion to make sure there were no reactions. 

I did fine, and was FINALLY able to leave and get some lunch!  

I'm glad to know that I am on the next part of my journey and looking forward to the next appointment not lasting six hours!

We are continuing to BTHO of cancer!  

Cancer has been kicked to the curb and keeps trying to come back, but I will never stop kicking!