ECHO ASAP

 In order to begin a new chemotherapy to battle my aggressive cancer, I was required to have my heart checked, for a new baseline.  My regular cardiologist appointment (every 3 months) was scheduled for April 7, and when I called to get in a STAT appointment, I was told there was nothing available.  

Messaged Dr. Cole, an opening came up two days later.  

Thankfully, my dear friend gave up her own time to, for the third time this week, drive me for another cancer-related something.  

I had an amazing tech, who responded to my crazy kindness and story of cancer highs and woes in a positive way.  She shared back with me, and was exactly the person I needed that day.  She told em the orders were just for a quick ECHO.  After hearing my background, she decided to stay a little longer and give me the full deal.  We talked about children and teens and devices and I helped her out with ideas from my experiences.  She actually thanked me when it was finished.  

Somedays surprise me, even now.  You never know what you are going to get.  I do know that I have an unbelievable support group from all the places in which we have lived, and some who are friends of friends whose hearts and minds have been touched by this journey. Thank you ALL for the messages of love and supports and prayers of mourning with my lows and praising God for the highs.  

I have tested and I am blessed.  Like is challenging, but those battles lead me forward in the journey, and sometimes I do get to rest and walk in between a major battlefront.  I've been resting, and now it's time to put back on my fighting boots.  

I don't know where this battle will take me, but I'm ready for the next leg of it.  And, my heart seems to be, too.  

Scan Results, Sad News, No Cadcyla #6

I tried my best to bring on the luck o' the Irish a day early.  It didn't quite go as I wanted.  I skipped the lab work, as I'd already had blood drawn the day before, and went straight into one of Dr. Cole's waiting rooms.  After a nurse finished checking me in, an oncology Fellow introduced herself and started to relay the bad news that Cadcyla wasn't working to prevent tumors from growing.  

The good news was that my brain was still clear and that there is a new drug to try, so I did not yet need to resort to trials.  

Dr. Cole came in and explained the rest.   

My: "Okay, let's see what we got" face. 

New lesions in my hip bones. "Don't fall," Dr. says.

New tumor on my aorta.  YUCK!

New growths in liver.

New growths in peritoneum. One Big Daddy, in particular.

Inflammation in lungs, due to drug reaction.  (Dr. Cole said it looked similar to Covid lungs, but wasn't.)

 

My: "Well, Dammit!" face.

Sent home with no infusion and sad feelings, but with a possible new plan.  

A new drug, Enhertu, which reminds me of something from Star Wars, is up to bat.  All we need now is for me to have an updated ECHO and for insurance to cover the new drug.  I'm hoping this one will be aggressive enough to make the tumors melt, but not too aggressive to make me weak.  

I texted Stephen after the news; called my mom on the drive home; stopped for lunch with my friend/cancer driver; talked with Stephen when I got home; talked to my aunt and grandmother, who were waiting at my house; told the boys when they got home from school; went to my dark closet to feel sorry for myself; ugly cried on the phone with my BFF; took another bath, dried off and wrapped up in the towel; sat in bed to watch mindless tv and fell asleep; missed family dinner; woke up still feeling frustrated and sorry for myself, wondering if I should quit cancer and let nature take its course.  

On actual St. Patrick's day, I made up my mind. Thanks to lots of love and positive comments from family and friends; deep thoughts in another long bath; talking to another good friend, who managed to Jedi Mind Trick me, plus many more personal signs, I knew what needed to be done.

I could not give up.  I have too much to still live for.  I don't feel ready to die.  I know that there is good I still have to do.  I know I would not be happy with myself if I became hopeless and faithless and forgot all the miracles that have had to happen in order to get me this far.    

And then I came across this gem of a scripture:

Wherefore, whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world, yea, even a place at the right hand of God, which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor to the souls of men, which would make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works, being led to glorify God.

 

I cannot deny that I have only made it through the last eight years, trying to stomp out this disease with all my might, but only being successful through my hope and faith and soul anchored in Christ, my willingness to influence others for good and to keep hoping for a better world, should my battle be over, with me losing the earthly battle. Surely, there is more to do?  As long as there are new drugs on deck, God is showing me that I should hope and try and have the faith to continue, even if that faith is to show that I can keep it up, even without the answer I truly seek.  

Let's kick it.  

Scan Time!

I totally agree.  

However, a week at the beach and much needed rest can bring MUCHO joy, too?!!!!!!

For example:

Hola, from my happy place!

This was a much-needed vacay, but it was soon back to normal life and labs + scans day. 

 

I do not seem as joyful here, but blame the bad lighting in the scan rooms!

I really was focused on another CT with my peeps, Lance + Susie, and hoping not to have to drink two *delicious* vanilla/Barium shakes.  

As always, scans went smoothly. No shake; just lots of water + working with great people, which both brought joy.  

Next, I was able to turn scan day into a two-for-one, and have blood drawn.  With an already accessed port, why not give the pharmacy PLENTY of time to get their needed results and day early, to set up a smoother flow for infusion, the next day!   

No beach here, but ready to focus on kicking cancer away!

Catch Up Summary-Cadcyla #5

 I had the best of intentions for writing and catching up after my last infusion appointment. However, negative emotions, catastrophic constipation, the Texas Snow-vid situation, and prepping for vacation, all made it difficult. 

Let me explain.  No, there is too much.  Let me sum up.  

First, I felt horrible the week after my infusion.  After all those previous thoughts on strength and positivity I shared, I felt like a big hypocrite.   I was sick and had many of the same symptoms listed in a certain pink medicine's commercials.  After finally getting those tummy troubles under control, I was so exhausted from the inside and outside pain, that I just wanted to stay in bed for days.  Plus, the guilt from not living up to my own standards of positive thoughts and grit during difficult days heightened the problems.  I put almost everything off.  

Then, the weather betrayed us with snowmageddon.  It doesn't seem like much snow, but that was not the only hardship.  

Snow and ice, cold weather, + Covid issues canceled schools and work, handed much of our state unpredictable power and freeze situations. A freeze in our washing machine's drainage pipe meant no laundry, and no sports practices or time to charge devices or go anywhere was a major change for my whole family.  My week consisted of staying in bed, catching up on recorded shows, or soaking in warm tub when the power was on.  When the power was off, we all gathered in front of the fire to play family games and plan out how to make the next meal in our all electric kitchen in unpredictable and possibly short amounts of time.  

As much as I know that this week actually was a HUGE downer for many, I think this put me back on track.  It was a reset for us all.  We had emergency supplies, ready to go.  My younger boys loved playing with neighborhood kids, some good friends/some unknown, for hours in the snow, coming up with creative games and solutions to our lack of sleds to soar down the hills of the golf course or to build igloos over sand traps.  They only returned to change out socks and pants with those that had been drying by the fireplace.  It was a simpler time, and we had plenty of food and all we needed to survive it.  I was strengthened and shown that we were fine and I needed to straighten up and boost my bad attitude about the fight.  

My next infusion was after Snow-vid,  February 23, 2021.  Temperatures were up.  Snow and ice melted.  The washing machine was able to run again.  My smile was back, and everything went smoothly with my appointment with Dr. Cole.  (My lab numbers were even up!) It was a quick and great infusion day.  After all the weather, and other, unpredictabilities  the previous week, things were looking up.  

I experienced something harsh and completely out of character for our normal weather patterns, that could've been MUCH worse.  Instead of worry and fear, we had faith and fun.  All this reminded me that my life is full of things for which I should be extremely grateful, even though I have to deal with a broken body.  Plus, after this appointment, I could really get excited for the only days-away, un-canceled, beach front, out-of-country, much-needed family spring break trip!