I was born stubborn.
Coming in hot at 1:05 am, on a Saturday morning, fighting the diagnosis of the doctor, who declared I must have Mongolism. My parents were the first ones to know that this one [me] was gonna be a challenge, even without the diagnosed disability. [I did not have Down's syndrome, and was just born with a genetic disability called Brachydactyly, which affected the full development of the bones in my hands and toes. I was born strong-willed, and ready with guns-a-blazing, nevertheless.
God knew that I would need to develop this stubborn curiosity to learn to battle all the challenges of this life and to have the empathy to encourage others in their own. Loud and active and full of energy and determined to get her way, it took a big hit to slow this 2- years-old down, but I kept going-eye patch and all. I starred in hospital videos for other young, nervous patients to encourage them to not be scared at the hospital or to have surgery. I appeared on The Children's Miracle Network to help raise money for others by sharing my story. These opportunities were planting seeds for a strongwilled, tenacious toddler to grow outward and upward and start to inspire others.
I became an active and intelligently gifted and talented child, yet a perfectionist in many ways. I tried a plethora of activities, but also started to get discouraged if I did not excel, or was too challenged because of the disabilities in my hands and feet to advance. However, I developed ways to overcome and created accommodations, even when there were none. God was strengthening me.
I was battled by bullies and taken from friends into a faraway land of even more bullies than a 12 year-old thought she could bear. Tears and prayers and hope brought the blessings of lifelong pals and confidantes. ..."and if [they] threw a party, and invited everyone [they] knew; [they] would see the biggest gift would be from me, and the card attached would say, "Thank you for being a friend." I made it through high school [with honors] and the first failed semester of college, brought on by sickness because I found strength with family and friends. I continued to find more as I traveled a different path and graduated with honors. I was becoming my adult self and learning how to stay strong.
I carry the blood of strong women, who taught me to get back up when I fell off a bike, or skates, or a horse, or rocks in nation parks, or semesters. They taught me to look up and keep going. The strong men in my life taught me that if I scream and cry to get what I want, I will most likely be thrown in my crib while they clean up the glass from the new bottle of apple juice that dropped......among other things. Those men taught about trying to solve problems before the era of the interwebs, to be a nice example to my siblings, how to stuff a turkey [and make stuffing in a casserole dish, now that we are no longer in the 80's food safety regulations], how to camp and fish and shoot a gun, how to show up on time [early], to remember my place, to make and keep goals and promises, to continue to seek knowledge and do the work that keeps us strong. The most important was love
I was strengthened by finding my best friend for life and eternal soulmate, breaking off the engagment, pondering the reasons behind that, realizing I was mad stupid, and reconciling 2 days later, trying to mend his broken heart. We were married 9 months after that, struggling through career goals and several miscarriages and raising a stubborn and strong willed dog and finally having our first human child 7 years after tying the knot. [He was stubborn and smart and strong willed, by the way, much to my father's satisfaction.] After that first baby, my body figured out the problems and pumped out 2 more, one strong and small, with a naturally sunny disposition, who kept us all smiling, especially when he spoke his own language for years and told us things like his spoon was really "a fawck" or "Youwr gonna WOSE this instant!" The baby was a surprise, a lovely and adventurous baby, smart-witted and loving. He continues to challenge and teach and share and show true care and concern and try to be better and more mature, while he struggles to overcome his learning disability with grit. I know he is strong, especially with no memory of life without a Mom who continues to battle cancer. Perhaps part of me dwells and continues to download to them. After all this and much more. my life love and battlefront Bubba, my strongest supporter, the one who loves unconditionally and battles beside me, my partner in it all, the man who shares his patience, perseverance, and problem solving in the age of the inter-webs, shares his strengths, all the while helping this stubborn, strong-willed seedling receive instruction and learn to overcome. We are still going strong, over 21 years later.
Life and love is a challenge, a battlefield even, some might say. I am still fighting, not just cancer, but how to become better and be better. God is teaching me to try, He is helping me overcome. As I pray to completely cure this disease [both of pride and cancer], He has carried me, but more often, He shows me how to plant my own feet in the sand and continue to hold His hand. He is walking beside me, filling my heart with faith, watering my soul through hope, pouring out promised miracles, only asking me to continue to follow Him, even through the failures and fires that are placed in my way, mostly to teach and to purify.
The Lord is my strength, so why should I fear? He is teaching me to be truly strong.
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Over the last three weeks, I've had more extra appointments and tooth concerns and fighting challenges of fatigue and nausea/vomitting/constipation/diarrhea than I have over the whole time on Enhertu. There have also been family Covid challenges and sleepless nights and virtual schooling, but solutions and negative tests of everything from Wuhan to strep and flu [all negative.]
Even with all these challenges, I felt at peace about the results of this 2nd set of scans to see if this miracle drug is continuing to be so.
Headed up with one of my longtime cancer Lyfts, Lori.
Luckily, the labs from before the scans were still valid for today. I met with Dr. Cole, right away, which doesn't happen so much anymore. I'm usually having to wait for quite awhile. She walked in with the miraculous news for which I [among others] had been hoping and praying.
My scan results did not dissapoint!!!
Brain:
- no enhancing lesions which might suggest enhancing metastatic disease.
- no additional recommendations.
- no chest adenopathy.
- stable osseous mets of thoracic spine.
- no new pulmonary nodules identified, previous stable at less than 1mm.
- most nodules are not clearly calcified, but given stability since 2018 they seen consistent with benign disease.
- hepatic and pancreatic lesions continue to decrease in size.
- no definite residue of the prior soft tissue nodules in identified.
- bony structures appear stable.
With that reason to celebrate, it was time to head to the infusion side of the office for my dose of nausea meds, steroids, Zometa, and Enhertu.
