My Heart

In this new place, we are continuing to get a starting place for all of my stats.  Today was an ECHO for the heart.  Cardiomyopathy has been looming since the very beginning, due to the types of drugs that fight my Her2+ cancer, so this test is nothing new.  I had a lovely tech who was all about asking questions and hearing more about my story and reminded me why I share.  I love having reminders of the blessings and to find the everyday miracles.   

I haven't received results yet, but I'm not too worried.  My heart is not in the highest, tip-top shape, but it's still ticking just fine and dandy for someone fighting cancer for so long.  

I forgot to get the shoe shot, but I'm still ready to keep on tickin'! 

 

New State, New Cancer Place

I am so glad to have found a place that can work to further my treatment.  Dr. Cole was able to refer me to a hospital setting in Lubbock, TX, that is connected to a smaller hospital closer to home.  It worked out perfectly that Stephen was off the week of my first appointment with Dr. Tafur, my new oncologist.  It's crazy that this is my first male cancer doctor!  He has a lot of greatness and girl power to live up to, but he seems to be up for the challenge.  

There was quite a bit of waiting, which wasn't Stephen's favorite thing, but I'm so glad he was able to be here for the initial appointment.  What a help it was to have his medical brain to help me recall my long list of procedures and surgeries and medications over the years.  It's getting more and more difficult to keep everything in line by the date and in the right place on my overall cancer timeline.  

I met some great nurses and staff, and got all my vitals for the start of this new point in my journey.  Things seem fine and promising.  Dr. Tafur is sending my blood for further genetic testing, as there have been new discoveries since I was first diagnosed.  I also discovered that I have officially lost height on this path.  I started at 5'6".  I am now 5'3.5".  However, to make myself feel better, I will rely on my math teaching background and choose to round up.  I've cut 2" off my height, which is the wrong direction and makes me even more aware of the miracles that have been blessed down during this journey.  I am grateful  for life and for the ability that I still have to be active and walk uprightly.   It's miraculous that I am still able to be aware of and thrive, especially with my health history.  How blessed I am for the care and concern for the oncologists that have pushed this onward.  I am thankful to still have more people leading me on.  

I continue to move forward---one step at a time--to fight this and become the woman I am to be.   

 

Enhertu #12: Aka The Last One Before I Move. + Zometa

It can be sad to leave a place you have grown to love.  Weird, that I have positive feelings for this place,
but the people are wonderful and have worked wonders in my life while I've been a patient here.  What better way to help them never forget me than showing up with a bunch or party boxes of cookies?

Today was the normal schedule of things.: port accessed, meet with Dr. Cole, head to the other side for the infusion, wait for pharmacy drug lord sloths to approve and mis my drugs. I've only been on this exact treatment 11 times before.  CAUTION! Patient might have a life-ending negative reaction this time. We must check and double check everything to save patient from her oncologist....just in case.  

With my last appointment with Dr. Coolio, the cancer part of it all was all good news.  My labs today and vitals are looking to be in top-too shape.  Everything is in normal range!

The scans results also look great. 1)Nothing new in my brain.  Only saw residual from previous radiation there.  2)Abdomen looking good.  Lesion previously found on pancreas is nearly undetectable.  Everything else is also very tiny or no longer seen with CT 3)Results are mostly unremarkable.  Fix noyivr the remnants of something un my lungs, but most likely left over from inflammation (not cancerous).

Not too shabby of a last report from UT Southwester Richardson/Plano!

This will be the last time I'm escorted to the patient room to meet with Cole or Alisa or any of those nurses.  When I strolled in with boxes of cookies, calling out "It's Cooper's last day!" some thought that it was my very last day of chemo.  No...just at this place in this state! 

All hooked up and ready to start.  Use in room 1: We might for the first time for the last time, and I'm sorry that you didn't want a cookie because you didn't want to ruin your healthy lunch.  I wish you good luck.  

I've been through all the seasons with this view once. (All two of them that seem to exist here--three days ago, it was freezing, and I was scraping ice off my windshield; today it's trying to reach record highs with 3- mph winds and gusts up to 40 mph!)  It will be a new adventure at a new setting with new hospital staff to meet.  I accept the mission ahead.  

And suddenly you just know it’s time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings.-- Meister Eckhart

As our move from Texas to New Mexico draws closer---5 days from now to be exact---I think about all the comments I've received and gasps of shock and concern about all the things that need doing before a moving.  

"Why there?"

"Will you be close to family?"

"What about your cancer treatments?"

"What about your boys and their schools/friends/sports?"

"Do you have a house yet?"

"Did your house sell?"

"Are you nervous?"

Yes, I'm nervous.  Who wouldn't be?  I'm headed to a new state, setting up another home, starting up with my FOURTH oncologist, registering three boys into new schools and sports teams and going to a place I've only driven through a few times in my life on the way to somewhere else.  I am nervous, but also excited.  When this opportunity became an actual offer, Stephen and I looked at all the positives and negatives.  We pondered and prayed and partitioned our parents for advice. It all came down to feeling at peace with this new path,  There is some purpose in thiexperience. I know it.

In addition to my plan for striving to stay alive for at least one year at a time to allow new chemo to come way, I also believe there is a purpose in me living Whether it is just for me to continue to experience the world, or being a mother to three children and a wife to my husband, or to inspire, uplift, teach and shine light on the unfair and unexpected troubles that come to all, while attempting to be an example of faith through affliction, I'm not sure.  I could just be lucky, but all the miracle sI've seen through this journey tell me that's not all.  There are countless reasons  for me to stick around. 

Hopefully,  some of those reasons for this new adventure will become clear soon, but if not, I will keep fighting.  

For anyone thinking of taking their own new first step into an adventure, here's some words that others have shared:

 .     

The purpose of life, after all, is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.

Eleanor Roosevelt

Every man’s life ends the same way. It is only the details of how he lived and how he died that distinguish one man from another.

Ernest Hemingway

You must go on adventures to find out where you truly belong.

Sue Fitzmaurice

If we were meant to stay in one place, we’d have roots instead of feet.

Rachel Wolchin

One way to get the most out of life is to look upon it as an adventure.

William Feather

“Then one day, when you least expect it, the great adventure finds you.”  

Ewan McGregor

Last Scans in Frisco

 It never fails.  Every time it comes time for scans, someone asks if I'm nervous/worried.  

I'd be lying if I said that bad results were never on my mind, but I prefer to focus on the positive.  There have been great scan results in the past and terrible ones, too.  But, I hold on to the hope that things will work out fine.  Whether these come back still clear or with news of a new tumor growth, I know that I will face and fight it with faith.   

The techs have come and gone over the last few years.  Only one of my two personal favorites, Dan and Suzie, remains.  Dan has moved on to a different hospital, and Susie shared that he asks about me every they meet.  They have made a great impact in my journey.  After hearing this bit of information, my mind pondered on how I have made an impression on them, as well.   Why do some people come in to our lives for such a short time, but leave a lasting influence? I'm not sure why or how it all works, but I do know that kindness and smiles do wonders.  

The scans went well.  I feel at peace, either way the results come out.  I know that I have support and love from so many sources that I will be empowered to continue fighting.  

I had lunch with one of these sources, this week.  This friend has been an incredible example of strength and faith in the face of hardship.  She has endured great trials and kept up her fight in all the hard things and is beyond strong. And, she told me to not give up the fight.  She helped remind me that "I can do all things through Christ, which strengtheneth me." (Phillipians 4:13) When I believe this and become this, I feel that I am truly strong, like my strong friend, and can keep fighting.

January 2022 marks NINE YEARS that I have been on this journey!  I joked in the beginning, that I just needed to keep living a year at a time, and the next new drug would be released.  As I think on my gratitude for this year, my mind knows that all the wonderful memories from this year are because of this new drug I have been on, and doctors and nurses and family and friends who have ministered to me.  And, they are all , whether they realize it or not, acting in God's name.  

And, this love, service, and charity is what this time of year is all about.  I have the hope and faith to keep on fighting and kicking cancer to the curb.

The Real Enhertu #11

 It was an early day at the Cancer Clinic.   I don't love being ready to leave the house to get to there on time at this hour, especially when my children are out of school and left behind.  I did trust them to not burn the house down or break any bones while I was gone for the morning.  

The great thing about having the early appointment of the day is that you get in without delays and you get to leave closer to the expected time than if you were to be held back by the need to wait for other patients clogging up the time slots before you.  

I was in and out of the lab draw area in only a few minutes and on to the appointment with Dr. Cole's PA, Alisa.  It's sad to look around and have it hit hard that my time here is coming to an end.  I will miss the wonderful people I have met here, who work with such love and kindness and have become another cancer fighting family to me over our time spent together.  

Alisa was excited to announce that my labs ALL look great Even the liver enzymes were right on course.  We chatted about Thanksgiving day plans and the plans for my family's move to New Mexico.  I mentioned a possible UTI flare-up and requested some drugs to knock it out quickly.  (Cranberry juice just wasn't enough.)To have this request filled, I did need to pee in cup, but I was right about the problem.  My internal waste management systems just can't seem to get it right these days.  I'm either clogged up in the back or overflowing in the front.  I would just like to be able to return to homeostasis.  Until then, about all I can do is continue to experiment on what I take or drink and how much or how often to try things like powder vs. pill de-cloggers and at what point those have gone too far.  The problem increases when the opposite conditions can't find the balance betweenI needing something on board for pain, but the pain medication clogging the system right back up which then leads to the need for an equal and opposite solution.....let's just say, it's a work in progress.  

Today's treatment went smoothly, as predicted from capturing the first time slot of the day, and I was done and headed home before lunchtime.  

On this week of Thanksgiving appointment, I am reminded, yet again, of all the many things in my life for which I give thanks.  I am forever grateful for all those healthcare workers who have been part of my journey.  I said from the beginning of discovering that metastatic was forever that all I needed to do was to fight long enough for the new drug to be approved and released.  That was back in 2015, and I'm living it today.  I'm thankful for friends who give up the time to drive me to appointments and keep my spirits up.  I'm grateful for the minds that are given the inspiration and talent to develop the things to keep me alive and able to live.  The blessing of doctors who truly care is beyond words.  

As I continue to work and fight and face setbacks and rise back up to try again, I know that I would not be here without my faith and family and friends, as well as so many prayers from so many others.  I know those conversations with God have helped to lead to miracles, both great and small, straight from heaven for me and my family.   God knows me and knows that I can be an example of his love and his joy as I travel down the hard roads without giving up on seeking the light that, at times, can feel like it might be dimming. Light banishes darkness. Joy can create joy.  Love can build more love and kindness.  Expressing gratitude for blessings teaches great lessons on humility and true happiness.  

It does take time to build the necessary skills required to constantly carry on with only positive perspectives.  For some, the challenges in life tend to naturally head toward the negative, but it is possible to change out this pattern for something new.  Each step forward in the journey to overcome trials with a grateful heart, gathering recognizing and gathering joy along the way, builds strength needed to proceed.

    

Enhertu #11 That Never Was + Dermatology STAT

 After such a horrible week, why not junk it up a little more?  

Dr. Cole was not thrilled about my rash, and wanted me to take a break from Enhertu for the day.  

*Good News Alert:  Remember those scans and the high liver enzymes?  They can sometimes be side effects of the drug, but the scans showed almost no cancer in my body!  The small amount of tumors that were hanging out had all been decreased in size by half OR MORE!!!  Plus, my liver was back on track!!!!!!

God continues to provide answers to prayers and multiple miracles.  

Due to the good response in my body, Dr. Cole thought it would be a good idea to skip the infusion for the day and check with dermatology, just in case, to make sure my rash wasn't drug-induced.  

Got an appointment downtown on the LAST time of the day on Friday.  Met an AMAZING doctor, who told me that the rash was NOT drug-induced.  

IT'S STRESS INDUCED!!!!  Imagine that? 

Gave me some drugs, and sent me on my merry way.  

I really am hoping for a little bit of calm this week.  

And, for my house to sell quickly.  

And, for my children to not go missing or lose any more important items.  

Is that too much to ask?  

A Horrible, Terrible Week

 I LOVE Halloween.  The year did me wrong.  

The weather was very windy, which botched our trunk or treat decoration plans. 

I woke up on Saturday with an ugly, itchy, swollen face, and a gross, red rash on most of my body.  It didn't help that my system was VERY PLUGGED UP.  

I had no energy and could barely get out of bed.  

I am also trying to run my house with a husband not here.  I feel for all the single parents out there because it is NOT easy.  In addition to that, I'm trying to pack up and clean up my house, getting it ready to sell.  Moving is a pain, anyway, and then trying to deal with it with being sick and fighting cancer? 

Then, there's all the things that need to be done with 3 busy boys in school and their own sports practices, plus church activities.  

Then, things started breaking or going wrong around the house or on technology....2 of my least strong areas.  

I took my youngest to the doctor to work on his toe, but it was infected, so we had to push it back until antibiotic had run its course.  

I was trying to plan that son's birthday party, and the company made a huge mistake by sending an email with MAJORLY incorrect information, and they couldn't fix that until the next day.  

My oldest son had a major problem with something that needed to the addressed that day, but I couldn't fix it.  Neither could the help center for the associated app, even after three different helpers and over 2 hours of call time.  It's still not fixed!

The front door lock went haywire and took three of us and hours to fix.  A front door lock is kind of important to secure a house, especially one that is hoping to have potential buyers come walk-through.  

A part of our sprinkler system was going off, in the rain, without it being turned on.  A valve we already paid someone to fix was broken again.  It was cold and raining and muddy to turn off the water to the system, and I was glad that my youngest son was there to help.  

I had to then attend a parent/teacher conference, not the thing I felt like doing that morning before lunch.  If you're wandering what that thing would have been, it was SLEEP.  Nothing but sleep.  

Rash continued to spread, causing more itching and swelling.  Not pain, thankfully.  That was owned by the poop chute.  Still no movement.

Fixed the party problem, but had fallen behind on getting invites out.  Printer problems with that, of course.  

Feeling the loss of 4 days of the packing and staging schedule.  

Found a weird rotted-out hole on the doorway to our upstairs balcony.  Had to find someone who could come look at it on a Friday.  

Wifi went out.  

Son with Dyslexia had fallen behind from the day he was out of class for the foot appointment and helping with the muddy sprinkler turnoff.  Hours later, we still weren't caught up, and he was tired and hangry.  

Not sleeping well at all.  

Lost the youngest son for over 2 hours, no one in the neighborhood having seen him and having no idea where he went.  A search party of both his friends and moms of friends couldn't even locate him.  

Then, I felt guilty for feeling sorry for myself on all of those previous annoying things, when I could lose one of my children!]

I Finally prayed and asked for help.  Obviously, I needed it.  For a few minutes, I was broken.  I thought about how fighting this hard for this long with so much pain, stress, and frustration just might not be what I want to do anymore.  

Then, I took a break, ate some food, and took a moment to listen to my heart.  

Son was found.

Wifi and tv problems fixed.

Found someone to work on the sprinkler.  

Found someone else to look at the house.  

The front door lock mystery was solved.  

I was finally cleared up--on the outside and inside!

So grateful for new days and things that seem like the end of the world in the moment, but are not so back with a simple change in perspective.