Scans Downtown

 I really don't love fighting traffic to get to downtown Dallas for appointments, but it's not to bad when the people are so kind.  And, when I get a free gown and non-slip socks!

I was able to be worked in STAT-like.  The problem was the availability left me with a 7:00am appointment!!!!  That's not a good thing for me to think about having to wake up that early and trudge through morning traffic.  Thankfully, my aunt came into tow, and we made an overnighter of it in a hotel next to the hospital.  What a needed blessing!

We arrived on time, but CRNAs who access ports don't arrive until 7:30.  I insisted, though.  My veins have been wrecked over the years, and if there was one thing that could ruin a potentially easy day [other than nothing to eat until after both scans] it was a needle in the arm, trying to find a vein.  Thankfully, a lovely port accessor arrived a little earlier than 7, and everyone working with me that day was a peach!  

Soon, it was time to head home and rest and wait for the results.  

Enhertu# 10 + High Liver Enzymes

 I have been falling behind on life lately.  

  

I let some major stresses start to take over my life, and let other things get left off the list.  

I'm feeling better and ready to do a little catch up.

October 12, 2021:

appointment with Alisa.

Asked lots of questions.  

Should I get a flu shot and a Covid Booster?--yes.  [done]

How are liver enzymes?  Still low, but better.  

What to do about that?  Move up the scans, just to be sure tumors haven't grown up again to block the bile duct again.  

[Simple mermaid costume, as this was my only appointment before Halloween this year.  

What can I do?  

I've made it to TEN DOSES of Enhertu!  

Hopefully the scans will show that it's still working for me and kicking cancer to the curb.  

Cole, Scan Results, Zometa, + Enhertu #9,

 I was born stubborn. 

Coming in hot at 1:05 am, on a Saturday morning, fighting the diagnosis of the doctor, who declared I must have Mongolism.  My parents were the first ones to know that this one [me] was gonna be a challenge, even without the diagnosed disability. [I did not have Down's syndrome, and was just born with a genetic disability called Brachydactyly, which affected the full development of the bones in my hands and toes. I was born strong-willed, and ready with guns-a-blazing, nevertheless. 

God knew that I would need to develop this stubborn curiosity to learn to battle all the challenges of this life and to have the empathy to encourage others in their own.   Loud and active and full of energy and determined to get her way,  it took a big hit to slow this 2- years-old down,  but I kept going-eye patch and all.  I starred in hospital videos for other young, nervous patients to encourage them to not be scared at the hospital or to have surgery.  I appeared on The Children's  Miracle Network to help raise money for others by sharing my story.  These opportunities were planting seeds for a strongwilled, tenacious toddler to grow outward and upward and start to inspire others.   

I became an active and intelligently gifted and talented child, yet a perfectionist in many ways.  I tried a plethora of activities, but also started to get discouraged if I did not excel, or was too challenged because of the disabilities in my hands and feet to advance.  However, I developed ways to overcome and created accommodations, even when there were none.  God was strengthening me.

I was battled by bullies and taken from friends into a faraway land of even more bullies than a 12 year-old thought she could bear.  Tears and prayers and hope brought the blessings of lifelong pals and confidantes.   ..."and if [they] threw a party, and invited everyone [they] knew; [they] would see the biggest gift would be from me, and the card attached would say, "Thank you for being a friend."  I made it through high school [with honors] and the first failed semester of college, brought on by sickness because I found strength with family and friends.  I continued to find more as I traveled a different path and graduated with honors.  I was becoming my adult self and learning how to stay strong.  

I carry the blood of strong women, who taught me to get back up when I fell off a bike, or skates, or a horse, or rocks in nation parks, or semesters. They taught me to look up and keep going.  The strong men in my life taught me that if I scream and cry to get what I want, I will most likely be thrown in my crib while they clean up the glass from the new bottle of apple juice that dropped......among other things.  Those men taught about trying to solve problems before the era of the interwebs, to be a nice example to my siblings, how to stuff a turkey [and make stuffing in a casserole dish, now that we are no longer in the 80's food safety regulations], how to camp and fish and shoot a gun, how to show up on time [early], to remember my place, to make and keep goals and promises, to continue to seek knowledge and do the work that keeps us strong.  The most important was love

I was strengthened by finding my best friend for life and eternal soulmate, breaking off the engagment, pondering the reasons behind that, realizing I was mad stupid, and reconciling 2 days later, trying to mend his broken heart. We were married 9 months after that, struggling through career goals and several miscarriages and raising a stubborn and strong willed dog and finally having our first human child 7 years after tying the knot.  [He was stubborn and smart and strong willed, by the way, much to my father's satisfaction.]  After that first baby, my body figured out the problems and pumped out 2 more, one strong and small, with a naturally sunny disposition, who kept us all smiling, especially when he spoke his own language for years and told us things like his spoon was really "a fawck" or "Youwr gonna WOSE this instant!"  The baby was a surprise, a lovely and adventurous baby, smart-witted and loving.   He continues to challenge and teach and share and show true care and concern and try to be better and more mature, while he struggles to overcome his learning disability with grit.  I know he is strong, especially with no memory of life without a Mom who continues to battle cancer.  Perhaps part of me dwells and continues to download to them.  After all this and much more. my life love and battlefront Bubba, my strongest supporter, the one who loves unconditionally and battles beside me, my partner in it all, the man who shares his patience, perseverance, and problem solving in the age of the inter-webs, shares his strengths,  all the while helping this stubborn, strong-willed seedling receive instruction and learn to overcome.  We are still going strong, over 21 years later. 

 Life and love is a challenge, a battlefield even, some might say.  I am still fighting, not just cancer, but how to become better and be better.  God is teaching me to try, He is helping me overcome.  As I pray to completely cure this disease [both of pride and cancer], He has carried me, but more often, He shows me how to plant my own feet in the sand and continue to hold His hand.  He is walking beside me, filling my heart with faith, watering my soul through hope, pouring out promised miracles, only asking me to continue to follow Him, even through the failures and fires that are placed in my way, mostly to teach and to purify.  

The Lord is my strength, so why should I fear? He is teaching me to be truly strong.  

*************************************************

Over the last three weeks, I've had more extra appointments and tooth concerns and fighting challenges of fatigue and nausea/vomitting/constipation/diarrhea than I have over the whole time on Enhertu.  There have also been family Covid challenges and sleepless nights and virtual schooling, but solutions and negative tests of everything from Wuhan to strep and flu [all negative.]

Even with all these challenges, I felt at peace about the results of this 2nd set of scans to see if this miracle drug is continuing to be so.  

Headed up with one of my longtime cancer Lyfts, Lori.

Luckily, the labs from before the scans were still valid for today.  I met with Dr. Cole, right away, which doesn't happen so much anymore. I'm usually having to wait for quite awhile.  She walked in with the miraculous news for which I [among others] had been hoping and praying.  

My scan results did not dissapoint!!!

Brain: 

1. no enhancing lesions which might suggest enhancing metastatic disease.
2. no additional recommendations.

Chest: 

1. no chest adenopathy.
2. stable osseous mets of thoracic spine.
3. no new pulmonary nodules identified, previous stable at less than 1mm.
4. most nodules are not clearly calcified, but given stability since 2018 they seen consistent with benign disease.

Abdomen/Pelvis: 

1. hepatic and pancreatic lesions continue to decrease in size.
2. no definite residue of the prior soft tissue nodules in identified.
3. bony structures appear stable.

For those of you who do not "Habla Espanol," or speak medicinese, all that is just simple radiologist talk for: 

IT'S ALL LOOKING OKAY, AND MAYBE EVEN GOOD!

With that reason to celebrate, it was time to head to the infusion side of the office for my dose of nausea meds, steroids, Zometa, and Enhertu.  

These miraculous results have built me up to keep kicking cancer out of my life! Thanks to all who pray and fight and strengthen me along the way. 

 

Enhertu SCANS #2

The bad things about today's scans are having to check in and have my port accessed an hour before the scans can begin and that I could not eat for two hours before.  [That would not have been so bad had the appointment been for earlier in the day, but I wasn't able to eat lunch until after 2;00pm].  

The good things about today's scan appointment are that I no longer have to drink those terrible barium shakes and that once the scans begin, they are over so quickly.  

I do miss my pal, Lance, though.  I did get a message from him that he says hello, so that evened out to a good thing.  

The hardest part of today's scan is waiting for the results.  I hope they are positive!  

 

ECHO

 I did not realize that an ECHO is needed every three months on Enhertu.  I guess it has some of the same components as Herceptin, which did need these heart checkups, as a side effect from that drug is cardiomyopathy. I guess the list of side effects for my new drug was so hefty that I must have overlooked heart function this time.  

Here we go again.  It's nothing new.  

Everything from the waist up comes off.  

Robe open to the front.  

And just like that---the test is done.  

I am reminded of the 20th anniversary of 9/11,  Stephen and I were both attending Texas A&M.  Our school is awesome.  20 years ago, students formed a coalition with the shirt company that had already established "Maroon Out" t-shirts.  They imagined a concept of a "Red, White, & Blue Out" game, the proceeds going to support the hero's in NYC.  For the 20th year commemoration, Aggies did it again.  It's crazy to imagine that 20 years have gone by since that horrible day.  I feel for all those who lost and am glad to have the cost of a t-shirt go to help the families of victims.  

I also read a journal entry from that day:

I was at A&M, starting my senior year. Stephen and I had this old tv that took its time to warm up. It went to a Spanish channel first, for some reason, and then switched over to cable. Right as I heard the English of the Today show switch over, I saw the picture of a plane that had crashed into one tower of the trade center. As I was watching to learn more, I saw a second plane crash live. It was all a bit alarming, as no one seemed to know what was going on. 

Even as this terror was occurring, classes were still in session. I kept trying to check in as I could, but didn't even have a cell phone yet!

It wasn't until I finally walked in the door after classes, that I saw the true devastation. I never for one minute thought the towers would collapse. I remember that when I walked through the door, I saw the smoke and debris from the first tower collapse and the second one collapse live. I stood in front of that tv and cried and cried.  

All those people--in the towers, in the planes, and on the ground, who had gone about their mornings as usual, not knowing they wouldn't be returning home

That evening. Heartbreaking. 

As hard as it was to see the evil and hate that exists in this world, the humanity and love that comes through when we pull together to help each other through tough times also exists. There is always light to be seen, even in the darkest of times. 

I will never forget.

[Even in the midst of terror and pain and sadness, there is hope.  I have learned a piece of that lesson as I have and continue to fight the darkness of cancer.  May I never forget and never give up.]

Results came, and my heart is in the low-normal range.  

Time to keep on fighting this beast.  

It seems my heart is....mostly....in it.  

Enhertu #8

 I met with Dr. Cole's PA today.  

My white blood count was stable, but my red blood count was a little lower than last appointment.  That makes me slightly anemic, but not badly enough to need a blood transfusion.  Platelets are normal.  

It's time to schedule another ECHO, which they will try to set up just before the next infusion.  

I'm another year older now, and I'm feeling it in my overall energy level.  It's low.  There seems to be so much to do with the boys back at school and all three in practices, the latest one going until 9pm every weeknight.  That gives us so little time to just be.  It's go, go, go all the time.  I'm so behind on blogging and writing my next book.  I'll get back into the new-NEW normal and start to figure out how to squeeze more in and make all the puzzle pieces go together.  It will just take some time.  

I'm so grateful for Enhertu working and fighting in a way that keeps my body in a more normal zone. I'm grateful that I'm able to help my children and keep up on all the 'mom' things [although all those things do exhaust me] more than I have been able to on the last few treatments.  

I'm thankful to have made it through another infusion and another birthday and to be here to celebrate the few minutes a night with my husband of 21 years and my 3 children. 

And, as always, the grit to keep kickin' it. 

More on Enhertu #7 + Dr. Cole

I sometimes feel guilty, looking the way I do, as the typical, sad, struggling cancer patient.  It's not that I'm not a cancer patient these days, but I just feel so much better than my no hair/no eyebrows, alien exterior is portraying.  

Enhertu has been the miracle drug in my life.  In the near decade of trying so many medicines and treatments, I finally feel like I'm on one that doesn't leave me sickly and sore, yet ACTUALLY fights my tumors well.  That is a miraculous feeling.  

Meeting with Dr. Cole today was a breeze.  My labs are all in normal ranges.  The miracle drug was approved for another dose.  The infusion sped by.  

There are days when I feel quite tired and not up to my usual stamina.  My body does not heal as quickly as it once was able to.  The most problematic small ailment I'm fighting is my big toe.  Nearly a year ago, something very heavy fell on it, which is what stared this whole process.  The wound bled and bruised, but didn't feel broken.  Soon, it began to look much improved.    

Little did I know that something was brewing inside.  Along with stubs and bangs to break open the scab, soon enormous pain followed.  An ingrown toenail was inside.  I had that cut out and wrapped up for days and began the healing process again.  On accident, my son ran toward me, crushing the toe and starting this process again.  

This toe cannot catch a break.  It's the one that catches the foot of furniture or gets stepped on multiple times since the beginning of the drama.  And, just when I think it's fine, I'm sensing another ingrown toe in m near future!  

How can this tiny big toe be the cause of so much frustration?  Don't I have enough health issues to keep me occupied?  What a small thing to complain over.  That's just it.  Anyone an ingrown toe experience knows the pain and aggravation of the process, just as those with any difficulties (all of us) can relate to all the downtrodden among us.  This has become a major source of learning during this years of fighting cancer.   I could have given up and let nature take me, but I am still here.  I have more to do and more to learn.  We all have major and minor aggravations and trials in life.  That is this life.  It's how we become stronger and more empathetic to the troubles of our fellow humans. 

I came across this quote this week while helping my son prepare to speak to our church congregation on Sunday.  He was asked to discuss How he knows that God knows him and loves him and all on earth.  

Mortality is a period of testing, a time to prove ourselves worthy to return to the presence of our Heavenly Father. In order to be tested, we must sometimes face challenges and difficulties. At times there appears to be no light at the tunnel’s end—no dawn to break the night’s darkness. We feel surrounded by the pain of broken hearts, the disappointment of shattered dreams, and the despair of vanished hopes.,, We are inclined to view our own personal misfortunes through the distorted prism of pessimism. We feel abandoned, heartbroken, alone. If you find yourself in such a situation,...turn to our Heavenly Father in faith. He will lift you and guide you. He will not always take your afflictions from you, but He will comfort and lead you with love through whatever storm you face. (Thomas S. Monson)

I could not have stated it better myself. 

Hard experiences are not punishments for sin [most of the time] All must face troubling events.  We learn from all we endure.  God is with us and knows them all.  He will help if we ask in faith.  

So many prayers and blessing have been given to my whole family during these years.  There have been times when Iv'e cried over a stubbed toe and ached because fellow fighters heave lost earthly battles. I have screamed in to pillows and cried in a dark closet in frustration and Danes about my misfortune.  I have prayed to know why and listened for the answers.  I have begged for healing, and hat hasn't fully come physically, but has in small and simple ways. Spiritually and emotionally. I'm learning and growing.  Realizing that I can help others in my own experiences is a blessing, one I could hot provide without my own trial of fire.  I have learned patience and forgiveness and charity that help me be a better person, mother, wife, and daughter.  Fighting cancer with hope for the light at the end continues to make me a more loving person, one who doesn't fear those who stare and judge or even death.  It's something I constantly battle: inside and out, but a battle with miraculous and awe inspiring times.   

I'll keep on fighting, one injured toe stop at a time!