Saturday, November 30, 2013
Breast Cancer Portraits--Scars and Healing
One of the most difficult parts of this session was trying to capture this part in the journey. The scars and loss are more than just skin deep. It's also been quite eye-opening to actually experience just how much goes into the surgery.
When I came home from the hospital in August, I looked a little something like this:
I was cut from hip to hip, stitched back together, had both breasts completely removed of their former tissue. The original breast skin was used to house tissue harvested from my abdomen, closed by the circular "flaps," skin grafts from my abdomen, which replaced the areas where my nipples were removed. A new belly button was completely constructed, and I had tubes and drains coming out of {what seemed like} everywhere. It was a scary looking {and feeling} time. I was only somewhat prepared for the magnitude of it all. I was swollen, unable to move or use most of my body how I wanted, feeling down about the intensity of the changes, and in a good amount of pain.
2 weeks after surgery, I'd had the stitches removed, and all the drains were ready to come out. I was feeling great about the progress. Sometimes when I start feeling too well, I overdo things a bit. In one, small twisting move to reach for something on a side table, something that was so "normal" before all of this, I popped open my abdominal scar in three spots. I felt like it looked terrible--and the sound of the bust alone made my stomach spin a bit--but my doctor assured me that things like this are fairly common, and I didn't have to come in. I just needed to give myself more time to heal.
A month after surgery, things were improving. The scars were healing, the swelling was going down, and the pain was vastly decreasing.
People are often curious about how the reconstruction works. In the first stages, the flap of skin that holds in the new tissue is skin borrowed from another part of the body. This is how it was healing up at my 6-week appointment. I found it somewhat meaningful that the skin used for the flaps had stretch marks I'd acquired from pregnancy. In some, small way it reminded me of my 3 precious babies, some of the most important reasons I was going through all of this.
Before I went through the second stage of the reconstruction, which has completely changed the scars, both in how they look and how I feel about them, I wanted to document the huge circles and scar tissue, but how amazingly the body can heal in such a short time.
Two months after surgery:
After posing and recording the scars, talking about the process and the healing, I started to feel like I was seeing some of my strength return. Loss and scars are real. The healing process is both physical and emotional, but seeing my strength come through the back of the camera was empowering.
We brainstormed and wanted to capture that strength. Through our combined efforts, we envisioned a portrait of a survivor pulling herself out of the hole of sadness and depression, and what better way to pull herself up than with the symbolical pink ribbon?
It was a tough session, but exactly what I needed. I think this session was a turning point in my healing, especially in the emotional side of things. It's amazing how something as simple as pictures can help you start to see the light and the strength that can come from the love of others and from within.
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Wednesday with Naqvi--Herceptin #30
I am often asked something along the lines of, "How are you doing?" Often, my response is something like, "I'm doing okay. We could be better; we could be worse." Sometimes, I even answer, "I'm doing well, all things considered." Don't get me wrong. There is a long list of difficulties I could explain each time someone asks me that "how ya doing?" question. But, I don't want to complain or focus on what's wrong in the world. I would much rather focus on the good. I'm not trying be to fake or cover up how hard 2013 has been for me and my family, but cultivating gratitude, especially in difficult times, helps us grow happiness. "Sucking it up," as Stephen would say, "Not shrinking" in our trials, shifts our focus and helps shed light on all for which we can truly give thanks.
Did you know It is actually a commandment to show gratitude?
Come before his presence with thanksgiving: Ps 95: 1-2
- Be thankful unto him, and bless his name:Ps 100: 1-5
- Cease not to give thanks: Eph. 1:15-16
- Be ye thankful: Col 3:15
- In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.: 1 Thes 5:18
- O how you ought to thank your heavenly King: Mosiah 2:19-21
- Live in thanksgiving daily:Alma 34:38
- When thou risest in the morning let thy heart be full of thanks unto God:Alma 37:37
- Ye should do all things with prayer and thanksgiving:D&C 46:7
- Ye must give thanks unto God:D&C 46:32
- Giving thanks is a commandment, a virtue, a spiritual gift, and yet, it often does not come naturally. It must be cultivated and practiced. Gratitude can be learned and strengthened by simply expressing it, focusing on the good over the bad, by serving others, and showing our love. All good things come from God, so our gratitude should being with him. Russel M. Nelson said, "Our degree of gratitude is a measure of our love for Him." How well we keep the commandment of thanksgiving measures our love for our Savior. {Isn't it interesting how much of the world these days skips straight from Halloween into Christmas, with little thought on Thanksgiving, and that little thought often focuses on food and shopping and AWAY from Him from whom all blessing flow?}
Sometimes we have to literally pull ourselves out of those dark places, those sad and depressing moments, or rely on being lifted up by others. It can be done. I am here to tell you that it can be done. Somewhere within each of us lies that strength to turn to the light, to reach for the hands that are yearning to help, or to pull ourselves up by our own bootstraps {or pink ribbons, as the case may be} and keep on going.
Even while still in the midst of a marathon of a trial, or just a sad moment in a day, we can find much for which to be grateful. We can smile and express our thanksgiving to others. We can focus on the positive and all that is good in the world. We can live in a way that encourages others to be more positive about the hard things with which they are silently--or opening--living. “We can lift ourselves, and others as well, when we refuse to remain in the realm of negative thought and cultivate within our hearts an attitude of gratitude. If ingratitude be numbered among the serious sins, then gratitude takes its place among the noblest of virtues." {Monson}
Everyone is dealing with something that is hard. At any given moment, each of us could be sucked into complaining about our lot in life, becoming upset at the unfairness of it all, or succumbing to that dark place where sadness overwhelms and crushes hope, faith, light, and gratitude. Let us not give up on the good. Let us see the hard parts for what they are and let them help us to become even more thankful for our many blessings. President Monson gave us a 3-step process to cultivating this attitude of gratitude. First, express it to Heavenly Father and others. Then, "enact" it. I like to think of this as performing acts of gratitude. Finally, we get to the point where we always live with a spirit of thanksgiving. I love how he explains it. "To express gratitude is gracious and honorable, to enact gratitude is generous and noble, but to live with gratitude ever in our hearts is to touch heaven."
Let heaven touch your heart in the spirit of thanksgiving, and share that spirit with others.