Tuesdays with Naqvi--Herceptin #29

The second surgery is done!  

I was underprepared for the amount of pain and discomfort associated with said surgery, but am starting to feel a little better.  

My original start time was 10:00 a.m., but they called me the evening before to say there was a change in schedule, and I'd now have surgery at 7:30.  They wanted me there at 5:30!  We got there are 6:15.  

There wasn't much in the way of paperwork, since I'd just been there in August, and there were no changes.  They called me back quickly to get my vitals.  There was a new nurse--at least it seemed she was new to the hospital--because she was having a difficult time with the computer charting.  Three other nurses also came in to help.  We were pushing the start time, and my IV still wasn't in.  Dr. B came to meet with me, make his marks on me, and ask about if I understood all the procedures.  He could tell something was a little off, and asked what was wrong.  I told him, "this is all really hard.  It's been a tough year, there's a lot to deal with, the financial stress of it all is getting to me."   I tried to keep it together, but the tears started a little.  He made everyone leave and asked if he could pray with me.  That was a comforting thing, knowing the faith of my surgeon and his understanding of the difficult times in life.  He prayed about helping me through the hard times and understanding that the hard times often make us stronger.  

Anesthesia came in and asked their usual questions.  He said I made it easy for him, since I'm pretty healthy--answered no to all the questions that raise red flags.  Then, he went off on this tangent about how we needed to put the IV in the right arm because of having removed lymph nodes from my left side.  They didn't have to remove lymph nodes, just checked them, and they were negative.  "Are you sure?," he asked.  There will be scars in your arm pits.  Well, I don't have those.  "Oh, well, let's do the IV in the right side, anyway."  I told him I'm a hard stick, that IVs ALWAYS go badly for me, and I hate them.  

So, of course, they let the new nurse stick me.  Good call.  And, we were really running close to start time.  The charge nurse came by to see if we were ready to roll back.  "She doesn't even have her IV in?????"  Way to put even more pressure on it.  

I hadn't seen Stephen yet, either, so they sent him back, even though they don't like people back there while the IV is going in.  Probably because they don't want people seeing them screw up.  

She dug around in my right arm and blew it.  I was crying.  Stephen stood by me and held me hand.  The nurse told him to sit down.  He held my hand.  She tried a smaller needle in my right forearm, and was like, "I got it!"  The anesthesiolgist came in and said, "No, you didn't.  A 22 in that spot should be flowing much better."  Stephen was biting his tongue, thinking the same thing.  The anesthesiologist tried once in my left hand and missed.  FINALLY, he pulled out the lidocaine, and got it in my left arm.  Really, people!!!!  I WARNED YOU!!!!  I was crying like a baby, in pain, and not given enough versed to help with that.  

They wheeled me back to the OR.  I remembered much more about moving over to the bed and getting preped for surgery than I did for the last one. 

And, then I was awake in recovery.  My nurse there was fantastic.  I was in a LOT of pain, so she gave me THREE blasts of meds.  I had to pee like crazy, but discovered I have a difficult time going horizontally.  The bed pan wasn't cutting it.  I hurried up and downed some apple juice to prove I was ready to roll and made it to a toilet.  Stephen got to come back and help me get dressed.  He said Dr. B came out to tell him everything went well.  "I'm not going to lie to you--she's going to be in a lot of pain.  I moved a lot around and did some deep sutures to the chest cavity."  He also didn't do my nipples yet because he wants to wait until the swelling goes down to find the correct positioning.  He did remove the cartilage from my left ear and tucked it under my skin.  

Stephen pulled the car up, and we were off.  I needed some water and was a little hungry.  We met Grandma, Grandpa, and Ryan for lunch, since they were downtown.  I ate a few crackers and some soup and then vomited all over the tray and myself.  I felt better, and had an ice cream cone.  Then, it was time to go home and rest. 

Right before taking my meds, I could feel more nausea coming on.  I threw up the ice cream cone.  I got the medicine in me and slept for several hours.  I was finally able to eat a little soup later that night.

The last few days have been spent with lots of rest, pain meds, trying to walk around a little, and more rest.  Now, I'm back to another round of chemo and on to see Dr. B later today.  Hopefully, he'll take out these tentacles {drains} so I can start feeling more human again and can actually wear normal clothes.      

I'm still not sure how I feel about all of this. It's hard when you don't feel like you have much of a choice in the matter.  Whenever I imagined having breast augmentation surgery, I imagined discussing my choices of size and positioning and playing a role in how I would look.  With breast cancer making most of the choices for me, I almost feel like I'm being told, "you'll get what you get, and don't throw a fit."  That's difficult when you're talking about your body and the image of that body and how that relates to emotions.  I'm not unhappy with the results so far.....just not sure how to feel.  I know the process is not done, so I'll just have to have faith that things will all turn okay out in the end.

At least another big step in the process is complete!    Now to sleep.  Please forgive me if this post doesn't make sense.  I wrote it while on pain meds.  Happy Tuesday!