Tuesdays with Naqvi--Herceptin #51, 52--LAST TREATMENT!!!!!

We made it!  Today is the day of my very last treatment on this breast cancer journey.  This road has been long, bumpy, difficult, full of twists and unexpected turns and delays.  There have been days that I did not want to keep going and thought I would never make it to the end.  Today, I am ready to make a turn and keep moving forward on another path, with renewed goals, strength, and faith.  I am humbled at the service, love, and support that my family and I have received.  There have been many, MANY times that we were only able to keep moving forward because you carried us.  This has been a journey of many and a journey of personal faith.  

Much of last year was a strenuous and steep climb.  Out of necessity, there were months upon months that my family was unable to do much in the way of "normal" activities.  We cut out sports, chose to not attend many outings in which we would come in contact with germs, and even church.  We were basically absent from our weekly meetings for half of the year between my lack of an immune system, extreme nausea, hospital stays and surgeries, inability to get out of bed, or just complete exhaustion.  Even though there were moments that I was grateful for the day of rest and the ability to just stay home, I missed the weekly renewal and blessings from regular church attendance.  

When I was finally healthy enough to start going back, the difference was made even more apparent.  I will never forget one meeting, when I was finally able to go back after being absent for months.  We had a disscusion on  the topic of conversion.  What is it?   In a nutshell: changing one’s beliefs, heart, and life to accept and conform to the will of God.   During the discussion, someone said that they were actually jealous, at times, of people who had made the decision to be baptized later in life, "converts," because they could pinpoint when they were converted.  For those who had been raised in a church, baptized in childhood, and continued to attend, it wasn't so easy to know.  I remember having a different opinion, as I only have a few memories of my childhood baptism, but I can exactly remember times in my life where I know I became converted and had a testimony.  

One occured when I was 18 years old.  I was making choices that were not leading me in a positive direction--spiritually, educationally, and in life in general.  I woke up one morning and knew immediately that I needed to make some changes.  It was almost like lightning striking.  My heart was changed and my path along with it.  I can look back to that exact moment in my history and see how very different my life would've been if I hadn't made the decision to be converted.  

Back to the discussion at that church meeting, someone mentioned that when we have questions or are not sure of our testimony of something, Alma, a Book of Mormon prophet, taught to perform and experiment of faith.  

But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words. (Book of Mormon, Alma, Chapter 32:27)

He goes on to discuss how if we even plant a tiny seed or particle of faith in something in our hearts and truly look for that seed to bloom, we will be able to see if it is good or bad.  

Although it is not the experiment I had planned, and not one I would recommend, I realized that out of necessity, much of the year had been an experiment on being converted.  Was I converted to my faith in Jesus Christ?  Was I converted to faithful church attendance?  Did I believe that I am blessed and loved by a Heavenly Father and a Savior, even in the midst of terrible trials?  Being unable to attend church, renew convenants, feel the spirit there, or receive those blessings from going was an experiment that cancer provided, an eye-opening one at that.  The difference in life was visible.  At 34 years old, I now had another moment to pinpoint in my conversion story.  

Why should we be converted?  Why not just do our best and not worry about the rest?  Why not just simply try to be a good person and hope that things all work out?  In Acts, we read:   

   19 ¶Repent ye therefore, and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, when the times of refreshing shall come from the presence of the Lord; (New Testament, Acts, Chapter 3)

Knowing that you are on the Lord's side, that you have a humble heart, that you are trying to keep the commandments and do what is right, that you repent of your sins and come unto Christ, those are a few of the reasons I see on the importance of being converted.  For me, it is not enough to just float through life, seeing where the wind and waves take you.  For the wind is not always a gentle breeze and the waves are not always calm.  If you are not converted before the storms hit, how much easier it is to become blown away and lost.  Being firmly planted on solid ground, on the rock of our Redeemer, even Jesus Christ, is how I have made it through many of life's storms.     

Beyond just having faith and believing that He will bless me, I have learned that He does strengthen us.  He is able to bless us enough to withstand all afflictions. If we come unto Him and be converted, he will not only bless us for our faith, but many scriptures talk of how He will not only bless us, but he will HEAL us.  

 15 For this people’s heart is waxed gross, and their ears are dull of hearing, and their eyes they have closed; lest at any time they should see with their eyes, and hear with their ears, and should understand with their heart, and should be converted, and I should heal them. (New Testament, Matthew, Chapter 13)

Sometimes, we are healed physically.  Sometimes, we lose physical battles, but we are healed emotionally.  We can't always understand why trials come our way or why they are not always healed in the ways we would chose, but we are promised that being converted in our faith in Jesus Christ will heal us.  

I have grown stronger in my faith and understanding our how faith can strengthen us to overcome impossible tasks.  I have overcome many trials and not on my own.  I have been healed of cancer, being more fortunate than many others who have lost their battles.  I am grateful for my strength, the love of family and friends, and for the blessings of being even more converted after my experiment of faith over the last 15+ months.  

Hopefully the journey my being able to share some of my experiences have strengthened some of you, for I have attempted to follow these words: 

 

32 But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not: and when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren. (New Testament, Luke, Chapter 22)