LAST RADIATION!!!

We did it!  We made it through 10 radiation treatments!!!

What a difference radiation has made.  Between medical science and prayers, we've seen a major turn around in symptoms over the last 2 weeks, which means that--on at least a few levels--it's working.  Now, we wait 6 weeks for another MRI and see how well.

February has been rough this year.  The hardest--and scariest--thing in all of this is just how quickly cancer came back and nearly took me out.  I went from myself to planning a funeral in a matter of days.  A 37 year old should not do that.  It just goes to show you how much you REALLY do need your brain to be----you. And alive.   It also goes to show just a bit how aggressive and quick my cancer is turning out to be.  So, we know a little more of who we're dealing with, but as Dr. Fleener said, "it's aggressive, but so far it's responded well to treatments."  Fast growing, but weak.  Comes at you with everything, but backs down with battled.  Like a yiping little dog.  I can handle that for now.  

Now that my brain is mostly back and my body doesn't seem so far behind, I can actually record a little more of the experience and timeline of the last few weeks.

On January 31, I had a scheduled PET scan.  In preparation for that scan, there is a 24-hr low carb/fast.  The morning of the scan, I woke up not feeling great.  When I walked into the kitchen, I just threw up on the tile. Weird, but figured it had to do with blood sugar/nerves/prep for scan.  Went about day with few other problems than mild headache, which I assumed had to do with scan stuff.  Went to scan, ate.  Improved.

The next morning, woke up the same.  Vomited in kitchen sink, continued with uncontrollable dry heaves, causing my bladder to freak out and peed all over myself with each wretch.  Drove kids to school and threw up multiple times in car rider line.  Faculty insisted on sending me to school nurse.  Water and crackers and back out.  Seemed fine for rest of day, minus worsening headache.

Thursday morning was similar.  Headache worse.

Friday drove to Fleener's office.  Fluids, meds, MRI planned.  Cancer's back.

I babied myself over the weekend, so as not to end up in ER.

Goble on Monday.  Cancer is back and BAD.

Fleener on Tuesday.  Skipped chemo.  Movie and lunch with Stephen.  Steroids and Zoran working to control symptoms.

1st radiation.  Vomit.  Meds not helping enough.  Fluids.

More vomit.  Headaches all the time.  Starting to not think straight.   Car rides not good.  Mostly in bed.

Here's where it all starts to run together.  I was not able to eat or drink without throwing up.  My head hurt all the time, I was starting to lose balance and the ability to remember or think.  It got worse and worse until Friday Stephen was thinking I'd be in a wheelchair over the weekend and funeral plans were starting to get underway.


And then, SLOWLY, radiation started to work.

My headaches eased.  I wasn't throwing up every time I moved or breathed.  I could actually call my mom on the phone on Sunday.  There was a breakthrough.

And, then it was the long process of digging back out of mostly dead.

Stephen and I actually went out for a real dinner for Valentine's Day.  I ate.  Not much, but I ate.

Stephen was able to leave on vacation and we all survived---with MUCH help.  But, we made it.

And, I haven't thrown up in over a week---even without the meds!!!




The truly scary thing was just how quickly it all went down.  So fast and so far.  We were not AT ALL prepared for that.  From 6-12 months down to 4 days?   Not fair, cancer.  Chill, okay?


At least the good to come from that shock was the blaring reminder that we are blessed to know ahead of time that I don't have all the time we thought I might.  We have the chance to say things we'd want said, to plan for my wishes and have it all booked and scheduled so when the time comes, it can be a peaceful time and not a stress of phone calls and scrambling for accommodations.  I can personally ask my loved ones to be part of my life celebration, even through the heart aching tears.   I can write letters and buy gifts.  We can make videos and take photos.  We can make precious, cherished memories.  We can talk of life beyond and of eternal families and Mom continuing to be mom beyond the veil, to continue to mother and love from heaven.  Even some known time is better than being gone without letting those I love know that the happiest all my favorite days have been with them.

So, that's where we are now.

Radiation is complete.  We wait.  And, while we wait, we go back to treating cancer in the rest of my body.  So, if my brain could just stay in remission, we'll be on to guessing where it's coming back next.

And, I'll keep on telling you that I'll be dying every other year.  And, then...SURPRISE!!...we beat it back.  Again.  Maybe I'm not dying this year after all!

There's too much of the world I still haven't seen and too many milestones of which I still need to be part.