H&P #20

 I'm back in the saddle again!  Another round of the drugs that have been keeping cancer at bay until one or two cells squeaked past the goalie into my head.  Things have been going well after I finished radiation:  no headaches, no nausea, no dizziness.  I feel almost like myself again.  Part of the difficulty in the last few weeks has come from dealing with a terrible cough, ear infection, and upper respiratory junk.  A Zpack didn't help, so I had to go back for stronger antibiotics and cough meds, and I think we are FINALLY over the worst of it.  The cough lingers, but they tend to do that.  If I push things too hard or am up on my feet too much, I get really tired, and sometimes my body feels slow and heavy.  However, I will take the vast improvement in all areas of my life.  I feel a million times better than before radiation.

Right now I still get questions about what's next or if there's any news.  And, right now, unfortunately, we are in the waiting place---waiting until the next MRI.  We don't know anything until we see the evidence in scan, but I know that there has been healing, simply from my symptoms decreasing, improving.   I also know much of that is blessings and answers to prayers from all my many prayer warriors, those I know as well as countless strangers who simply want to send their love and faith my way.

It can become frustrating to stay in the waiting stage, not knowing, but hoping that things are improving and that there is more time than we were given at the beginning.  Instead of fear and grief, I've decided to simply keep on keeping on.  One day at a time, living purposefully and joyfully, can help me celebrate and honor the gift of life.  We no longer have the luxury of wasting days away, but cancer can become a great motivator to get things done.  As a quote from Beaches, one of my favorite movies, reminds me, "You're not dead yet: so stop living as if you are!"  I chose to live in the joy!

We take it day to day, keeping on fighting and praying for healing.  And, there are SO many areas where healing is needed.  Physical, emotional, spiritual---each requires time to work its way out and return to a healthy balance.

I came across this quote today:

It speaks to my love of the ocean, which is steady and constant, but can also rise up and become unpredictable.  Healing is a bit like that.  My story has been one of hope and fight, going above and beyond in treatments, only to have cancer crash back at me again and again, much earlier than I was "promised."  However, taking a day at a time to focus on staying healthy and in healing more than just the cancer cells in my body has helped me see the good, to have a positive perspective on these terrible chapters that have taken over my life story.  That outlook each day helps with the healing.  

 Cancer Kicks (in honor of spring!!)

My hair is in what I call "the Gollum".  When I first saved the mohawk, it was pretty cool.  

Now, it's almost all gone and the tiny, side hairs are coming out, too.  Time will tell if it will grow back.  I'm a living science experiment!!!

Until next time!!!