PET Scan Initial Results

I was sitting in a pew at church, head bowed, not feeling well.  Leaving early definitely crossed my mind, as a massive headache began to creep in.  It also seemed as if my youngest son had passed me his cough, scratchy voice, and runny nose, or maybe it was related to changes in weather, thanks to my itchy eyes and multiple sneezes.  I remembered my purse supply of medical masks and put one on, to prevent me sharing possible germs to any others.

Understanding only a few of the symptoms of my newest diagnosis, I did have to chuckle a bit.  My bladder doesn't seem to be as tough as it once was and neither does my intestinal system.  I have felt a lot more blotted and gassy lately, even after giving up Dr. Pepper!  With these *fun* symptoms, perhaps I will be destined to become the 40-year-old, blue-headed lady who farts in church!

Then, I glanced a notification on my phone from MyChart, my medical app, which said "You have a new test result."  I thought about not checking until going home, but couldn't wait.

The news was not good or comforting.  I scanned through the document, and noting some changes from the original scans that caught this new cancer growth.  The PET showed additional growth since November 1st.  I don't want to post the entire exam findings, but this is the summary.  I couldn't hold back the tears, especially as I watched Stephen reading and his head-nod, which confirmed my impressions: it's bad.  

As I looked around at faces of loved ones, tears ran down my cheeks.  I soaked through my masks.  I didn't feel ready for another long and tuff fight.  I wanted to feel sad a frustrated that this was happening again.  I thought, for a moment, that the curse of recurrence in the odd-numbered years might have taken a break.  I was sad when I spied the eyes of my boys, who have mentioned how sad the news of this latest diagnosis has made them.  I had a hard time concentrating on the messages shared from the pulpit.  Even though I have a testimony that God knows me and loves me, watching over all, this news hit me hard.  Even though I still have hope and faith in Christ, I don't know if this is the time for the end of my mortality.  I worry for my husband and child and extended family.  I don't want them to have to suffer the loss of wife, mother, daughter, sister, or friend.  I have not been so emotional over cancer in years.  It was definitely time to go home and rest, looking forward with hope to my meeting with Dr. Cole and review the results and my options.