Breast Cancer Emotions Project

One of my dear friends, Amber Hagan, had the incredible idea to document the emotions I'm feeling as I travel this cancer road.  I've had a few photo sessions already that have ranged from shocked and overwhelmed to  comforted, strengthened, positive, and loved.  She has documented the first stages of the noticeable changes, right after I shaved my hair.  Most of my emotions have stayed on the positive side, and it's been nice to see the cheery, happy, surviving side of this chemo journey.

I'm now in one of the hardest, lowest points of the journey.  It's not fun.  I feel crummy.  And, beyond that, everyone else can see.  There's no hiding from the fact that I'm going through chemo.  I easily pick up on the stares. While we were waiting at the car wash this week, a woman tried to solicit my business with her permanent make-up company because, I guess it looks like I'll NEVER have eyebrows or eyelashes!?!  That combined with the aches, pains, sickness, fatigue, heartburn, and so much still unknown have put me into the next phase of emotions. 

I really wanted to document this point in the journey, and having to give a name to the emotions in order for Amber to help express them artistically was quite therapeutic.  The words I gave her for my feelings are: "raw, real, exposed, weird, and alien-ish." 

We kept it real and raw--no make-up, nothing covering my head, no fake eyebrows or eyelashes.  I like that my port, which is a bit alien to me, is exposed.  The use of colors makes it feel quite alien, futuristic, almost something out of Star Trek, too.       

At this stage of the process, my trials are quite exposed to the world.  There's a feeling of vulnerability and humility in that, as well.  There's not much to hide.   

Facing the emotions head-on has been a challenge and a blessing.  I cannot wait to be able to look back through the emotions as a whole, once I'm on the other side.