It can feel so overwhelming to still have so many more weeks of treatment, so much more prep work to do before surgery, and a long recovery after surgery is completed. Even though I have crossed over some major hurdles in the path, I have a long distance still to go. Somedays, it seems that all I can do is wait, or make it just to the next week because thinking past that can be discouraging.
I came across a quote that reminded me to shift my attitude about my current place in this journey.
"Patience is not the ability to wait, but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting."
--Joyce Meyer
There is no question that there is a great deal of waiting in this overall process. It is a long, exhausting path. Some sections of the trip have a few more checkpoints and mile markers, making it feel like I am getting places more quickly. Others seem to go on forever, with no end in sight. True patience is not just waiting around for the next thing to come along, but being positive and happy, whatever the scenery, whether moving forward or seeming to stand still. So, I am trying to be more patient by having a better attitude.
Thinking about waiting reminded me of a section from Dr. Seuss' Oh, the Places You'll Go.
You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place...
...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.
Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.
It's true that everyone is waiting for something, but waiting can be easier with a little patience and positivity. Instead of "just waiting," there is always something to do. While I wait each week for another treatment in what seems like a never-ending countdown, I need to work on my attitude. I have much to be grateful for and non-cancer-related goals to reach. Negativity and "just waiting" get me nowhere. Some people live by constantly making goals, seeking to improve. Others sit back and wait for someone else to get the job done. Those who are highly motivated don't stay in the useless "Waiting Place" for very long because they are not discouraged by hurdles but see them as blessings in disguise, opportunities for learning. I want to be someone who waits with patience but is motivated to move forward. I want to be like the people Dr. Seuss described:
NO!
That's not for you!
Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying.
You'll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.
With banner flip-flapping,
once more you'll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you're that kind of a guy! {or gal.}
In the past, I was not always a patient person. This experience is helping me work on that. I have also had to learn that true faith is not just believing in God or believing that he can and will heal me. It's also believing that he might not heal me, if that is His will and in His plan, AND believing that either outcome will be okay in the grand scheme of things. Once I accepted that, I've been able to see so many miracles, blessings for my faith. Patience seems to be learned in a similar pattern. When you decide to have a positive attitude in "the waiting place," the reward for that patience is that your time waiting doesn't feel like "just waiting." That's when you start living and truly going places.
beautiful, mel. just beautiful.
ReplyDelete