Tuesdays with Naqvi--Herceptin #24

I'm starting to come out of the fog.  As it usually is with me, I'm pretty good at carrying heavy loads.  Then, one tiny thing more {or maybe two or three} comes into play and my entire balance is thrown off.  I think that explains a lot of my recent struggles.  This post-surgery stuff hit me harder than I expected, and it's taken a lot more out of me than breast tissue.  

Mental illness is not easy to talk about.  It seems to still be something that is better kept private, something taboo, something many people still believe a person should just "get over."  Depression and dark times are as real a condition as breast cancer or heart disease, and it needs to be just as easy to discuss without fear of judgement or condmenation.  

I was deeply touched by a message shared in my church's recent General Conference on the issue of mental illness, "Like a Broken Vessel" by Jeffrey R. Holland.  He shared a personal account of his own difficulties with depression and explained that it can feel like, "a crater in the mind so deep that no one can responsibly suggest it would surely go away if those victims would just square their shoulders and think more positively—though I am a vigorous advocate of square shoulders and positive thinking!" Holland also addressed how to react if you, or someone you love, is in the crater.  Some of his counsel includes: 1) "Never lose faith in your Father in Heaven, who loves you more than you can comprehend. As President Monson said...last Saturday evening: 'That love never changes. … It is there for you when you are sad or happy, discouraged or hopeful. God’s love is there for you whether or not you feel you deserve [it]. It is simply always there.'"  2) Believe in miracles.  3) If those miracles do not come soon or fully or seemingly at all, remember the Savior’s own anguished example: if the bitter cup does not pass, drink it and be strong, trusting in happier days ahead.  4) Slow down, rest up, replenish, and refill. Physicians promise us that if we do not take time to be well, we most assuredly will take time later on to be ill.  5) Don’t assume you can fix everything, but fix what you can. 6)  Remember that through any illness or difficult challenge, there is still much in life to be hopeful about and grateful for.  To sum up: Have faith, trust God, do all that you can to rest and replenish, fix what you can, and sometimes just hold on to the good things in life while waiting for happier days ahead.  

The part of his address that was most touching to me was follows: "Trust in God. Hold on in His love. Know that one day the dawn will break brightly and all shadows of mortality will flee. Though we may feel we are “like a broken vessel,” as the Psalmist says, we must remember, that vessel is in the hands of the divine potter. Broken minds can be healed just the way broken bones and broken hearts are healed. While God is at work making those repairs, the rest of us can help by being merciful, nonjudgmental, and kind."

Part of what someone dealing with a difficult time needs is to search within to find the strength, courage, and hope to carry on.  Sometimes there is a prescribed formula for assisting in the process.  Sometimes certain areas can be healed and fixed and forgotten.  However, in other cases, scars--both emotional and physical--will ALWAYS remain.  Another element to the healing process is in trusting in others.  Beyond the real physical help sometimes required during the healing process, sometimes what is needed is unconditional, nonjudgmental love.  What someone facing the crater does NOT need is to try to fix everything at once, being told to "get over it" or "it's not so bad," or "a one-upper"--someone using their own difficulties to compare in a way that seems to diminish an individual's struggles.  Not one of us is the same for a reason, and nothing good can come from comparing in a way that leads to envy or even more guilt.  

I have been blessed with an amazing support system in this journey.  Through love, prayers, and service of so many wonderful warriors in my life, I'm going to make it through to happier days.  I am humbled and so touched by the love and selfless service I've received, especially from people who have known me such a short time.  Between my own family, my church familly, and my neighbors, the love and support brings me to tears.  After last week's post, I was uplifted by the encouragement and concern from others.  I was touched by the hugs and smiles.  And, I was overcome with emotion by the many random acts of kindness.  There was the WINNING Pine Wood Derby car, made in my honor.   My neighbors dedicated their stand against breast cancer to me.  Then came the anonymous decorating of my front porch.  First one pumpkin, then two, then a wreath and mums appeared.  I'm deeply appreciative of those amazing neighbors who observed a need and simply served me in a loving and charitable way.  It was just what I needed to start getting back on track.   I am inspired to think beyond myself and try to pass on that love and charity to others.  

         

My journey with breast cancer might seem temporary, but I have feeling that it is a lifelong experience.    I will never simply be done and be able to return to normal.  Through my own experiences, I am learning to have compassion on others as they deal with their own trials.  No one knows entirely what me and my family struggle with in our journey, as I can't know the magnitude of another's experiences.  I'm just hoping to be able to pay some of the love and service we've received forward and hope to play  a part in bringing sunshine to someone else's fog.