Tuesdays with Naqvi--9

It's quite hard to believe that I'm already 3/4 done with this first set of chemo treatments. The time is flying by. I keep getting asked things like, "How are you doing?  No, REALLY?" and "Has chemo been what you expected?"  The answers are: I'm actually doing pretty well.  We are making it week to week with lots of help and many prayers.  Chemo has been about what I expected so far--better in some ways and worse in others.  I keep comparing it to pregnancy, marriage, college, or any other experience that many humans work through.  It is just enough different for each person that although we can prepare and research and empathize and try to plan for how our own experience will unfold and how we will react to it, there is always s little bit of the unknown.  I keep waiting for neuropathy to set in, for my nails to get bad, and for the expected really bad days to happen each week.  In the beginning and up until the last few weeks, Wednesday night into Thursday morning was always the most uncomfortable.  The last three weeks have been much more bearable, so maybe my body is adapting to the pain, the process is getting easier to bear, or I'm just being strengthened
.  Each Tuesday Stephen tells me to have a good day and reminds me to "be strong." This week he added, "I know you'll be strong. You are strong."

Strength and weakness: There's such a balance between the two. As we go though this journey of life with its peaks and valleys, mixed with the smooth and rocky paths, our ability to bend and find ways to avoid breaking points increases.

After Stephen's comment about strength, I was reminded of my favorite scripture from the Book of Mormon.

Ether 12:27: "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."
 
If you are a lover of this scripture as I am, you probably know all the talking points surrounding it, but I love a good reminder. First, and most obvious, all of us have weakness. It is human. It is given by God. And, the scripture doesn't say "weaknessES."  It's "weakness," as in the state or quality of being weak.  As humans, we are weak, especially compared to the divine nature of our creator.  It's like my very favorite line of Judge Judy: "Even on your smartest day, you're not as smart as I am on my dumbest day."  Even on our best, most divine day, we are not as perfect as our Savior.  The fact that we are all weak remains similar, but our personal weaknesses can be unique, and the areas in which we are individually most weak might vary.

God gives each one of us weakness in order for us to be humble. If we were perfect in all things and felt able to accomplish anything by our own power and ability, there would be no need for a Savior and no purpose for trials.  When the tests are too easy, they are not really tests.  When we don't really have to work for anything, its value is somewhat diminished.  Without weakness, we would never truly learn faith or to understand how to rely on others for help and to receive service. We would not need teachers or leaders or parents or a friends or a Father in Heaven because we could simply solve whatever challenge arose. We wouldn't need to learn to endure and wouldn't need trials and tests, for we would already know everything. In the process, I'm afraid the natural man would be even less likely to be meek, submissive, or humble if able to posses such amazing strength and power.

Thankfully we do all have weakness and trials and times when life's experiences make it blatantly clear that we cannot accomplish it all on our own.  I have not ever been a naturally humble and submissive soul, more often than not being compelled to be humble.  This is a gift I'm definitely working on because, oh, how much easier it would be to simply remain humble before The Lord, to have the faith necessary to admit that there are many times when even my strongest strengths are not enough to overcome any of my weaknesses alone.  Life's lessons would be much easier to learn if I never lost site of my reliance on the Lord and my humility before Him.  

If we learn to become strong enough to kneel and humble ourselves before the Lord, letting Him teach us how to take the heat of hard times and bend the ore of our souls in order to shape our stubborn hearts into the greater state He would have us take, we can see how His grace is sufficient for even the one who may seem weakest among us. Grace is most simply "divine means of help or strength given through the mercy and love of Christ."  We all need this grace because none of us can do anything without His blessing, His love, and His strength and help.  

There are an infinite amount of experiences, jobs, tasks, trials, and temptations that our weak human abilities will struggle to accomplish or overcome. We are given weakness to remind our minds or bodies that there must needs be a Savior, someone to whom we can {and must turn} and on whom we can {and must rely.} That humbling stuff isn't always easy. And there will continue to be lessons to learn.  However, the promised blessing of showing meekness and humility and coming before the Lord is that He will be there, in control of the amount of heat on us as we walk through the flames. And, He will make weak things become strong.

Carbon under heat, pressure, and time becomes so strong that it cannot be cut by any other stone.  We can also change from our weakest state to become strong through the grace of God. The things we struggled to overcome can be made light, like my sadness over losing my hair before I expected.  Through the strength and support of others, that challenge was made into something fun and memorable.  The burdens we first considered to be too heavy to bear, He helps us carry.  I was never expecting to have this challenge at this time, but I've been blessed over and over to be able to carry the burdens associated with it, especially through the service of others.  Sometimes a stumbling block is actually removed from our path, like the block of bed rest.  Or perhaps, He strengthens us to be able to withstand any heaviness that might come our way.  That's how I'm starting to feel lately. I am atrong, but not on my own. I am able to be strong because He has and contines to mold me into something stronger than i was before.

For The Lord gives us weakness that we might be humble, but He also allows us to become strong in the process.  This process is an amazing blessing of being able to balance that human weakness with our divine nature.  There is no way for any of us to become strong enough on our own to compare to the strength the grace of God can help us become. It takes work, faith, humility, and the pure love of Christ to overcome our weakness.  As we become humble and put faith and trust in the Lord, He "reaches our reaching," allowing our weak things to become strong.