A VERY Good Week

This week I felt like myself again, and I loved it.  There was no nausea, no {unusual} fatigue,  and no weird chemo-related symptoms.  My only complaint was an ear infection and the cough of 2013 that just won't die.  Other than that, no one ever would've known this week that I'm in the middle of chemo.  In fact, today I got a compliment about my gorgeous, red hair from someone I just met and how she'd remember me by my great hair and smile.  Then I informed her that I was wearing a wig because I'm going through chemo for breast cancer.  Fooled you! 

I felt so much freedom this week.  Not only did I feel better, but I felt like I had so much more time on my hands.  I had time to run errands, to get projects crossed of my list, and was even able to take the boys out for some fun.  It's incredible how much more time I had because I wasn't in bed, sick, and didn't have to make 3 trips to the hospital this week, losing an entire day to chemo.  We went shopping, picked out some things for the house, got a few Father's Day gifts, and still had time to play.  I was in charge of an activity for the Young Women of our church this week and was able to get that done, even though I had to bring the boys along--without getting completely exhausted or feeling tired.  Closets got organized, the pantry is now cleaned out, and some decorating that's been on the back burner for weeks is now complete.  I feel like the old me was peaking through the fog this week, and I am so grateful for that freedom.  Freedom this week was in good health and so much free time.

Now, for the negatives.  My hair--the hair on my head that completely thinned out and was pulling out in clumps before I shaved it off but continued to grow a little in its gray and nearly-bald stage--that hair is now falling out again.  My eyebrows are thinning, and my eyelashes are literally hanging on by a few threads.  I love doing dramatic eye makeup and just a gloss on the lips for make-up, but it's hard to have a lot of drama when there are 7 eye lashes to work with.  Also, I still feel quite frustrated with all the steroids and the inability to really work out causing so much weight gain.  Those are not big things, really, but there are pieces of Me--the me that I was and that I still am in my mind--that I'm losing through this.  Maybe some of that loss is freeing, but having my identity slowly slipping away is difficult, especially on top of the stress and the sickness.  I'm trying to figure out if I'm supposed to be humble over my appearance or of my concern of other people's concerns of my appearance or if that's not even a factor and me losing the appearance I had in the old me is just a side effect of the entire process.  Our bodies are temples, and we are supposed to take care of them and keep them beautiful, but I guess there's a fine balance between pretty and pride.

For every negative that comes my way, I'm still holding on to the positives.  My nails and hands no longer hurt.  Although there is an almost ombre effect in my fingernails as the color changes caused by various drugs grow out, they feel normal again.  I haven't felt pain or swelling in my arm in several weeks.  And, if I can get through the first 10 days after chemo, it seems like I get a break for the next 10 or so, and that is a huge blessing.   

I have one more day of freedom until the process starts all over again.  Until Tuesday!