Tuesdays With Naqvi--Wednesday Edition

The tough stuff began today. Between working out insurance claims, payments, and refunds along with the office being full of other patients this morning, I didn't get hooked up until after 10:00. I was told that I'd be here "a long time." How long? "All day, until 4 or 5 o'clock." I knew this type of chemo--FEC--involved more different drugs than the Paclitaxel, but I didn't realize the entire process each time would be that much longer than before. {And, I'm not even being given Herceptin during this time!} I'm continuing to learn new things everyday of this process, and just trying to take it one step at a time.

You've probably heard the story about eating an elephant one bite at a time or how people run a marathon by simply putting one foot in front of the other and continuing in that same pattern. I feel a little like this whole BTHO cancer thing is my elephant to eat and my marathon to finish, and I can only focus on the parts I'm currently going through or it all gets too overwhelming. Right now, I know that I'm starting one of the hardest parts, so I'm putting all my energy into being strong and making it to the final check point of chemo. I'm going to make it, step by step, little by little, continuing to learn more about this process and to figure out how my body and mind will react to it and what else I can learn from the journey.

Learning more about the treatment of this disease and being able to understand how this affects my life is part of my coping process. Knowledge truly is power. In Proverbs 1:5, we are told that "a wise man will hear, and will increase learning." Proverbs 4:7 teaches us to "get wisdom and with all they getting get understanding." I like the use of "wisdom, learning, and understanding." Wisdom implies a deep knowledge and the judgement to use that knowledge justly. Understanding refers to comprehension, the ability to use experiences and apply them, to have a mental grasp on concepts. Learning is knowledge gained through study and experience. Although all these terms describe the acquisition of knowledge, there are slight differences. People become wise on certain topics through much learning and study, but sometimes those who believe they are so wise discontinue their learning and growth. When we stop seeking more knowledge, we actually become unwise. In this life we are supposed to learn, grow, and continue our education through study and experience and are told over and over to increase learning, to get understanding. Having wisdom is not enough; we must understand--meaning once we have knowledge about something, we must be able to do something with it. Wisdom is another talent; if buried in the sand, it will not multiply or bless others. So, as I gain more wisdom and understanding on beating cancer, I'm hoping that sharing my experiences will be of some good, and that I'm not just burying my talents in the ground.

I'm asked over and over about what surgery I'm having, what happens next, how long will this all take, and so on. The truth is that I really don't know. The surgery can't be determined until the doctors see how much smaller the tumor gets after chemo is finished. Since I don't know how extensive my surgery{ies} will be, I don't know about the recovery time or which additional treatments I might need. I don't know exactly when surgery will take place or exactly when I'll have to start Herceptin again, or if/when I'll have additional procedures, thus I don't really have an end date for all of this, either. What I do know about my current treatment is this:
I am given a nausea medicine, steroid, and benadryl, the same as before. Now, instead of paclitaxel, my chemo consists of 3 bags of drugs: FEC. It's given in scrumbled order: C, F, E. I was told that Cyclophosphamide could make me feel unusually bad in 10-15 minutes, and to let the staff know if I was having greatly different side effects. With Fluoroucacil, which is also known as 5FU--{it should, "FU2."}--I was told to keep my mouth cold with ice or smoothies in order to close down my blood vessels in my mouth to help prevent the mouth sores the drug can cause. Epirubicin is the "red devil." It takes forever to administer, leaves an awful taste in my mouth, and seems to be the one that causes most of the awful side effects from this round of chemo. I still don't know exactly how I will react, how long it will take for the side effects to ease up, or much beyond what I've done today.   I do know that my urine is now a bright pink--PINK!--and that I feel extremely tired, achy, and a bit nauseous.  It can easily get overwhelming, all the unknowns, so I just go back to eating the part of the elephant I'm currently being served. {And, if I don't read the label or notice any of the terrible side effects, it looks as if I'm simply being served red Koolaid!}

This step-by-step process of tackling this elephant reminds me of one of my favorite BOM scriptures, 2 Ne 28:30:
"I will give unto the children of men line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little; and blessed are those who hearken unto my precepts, and lend an ear unto my counsel, for they shall learn wisdom; for unto him that receiveth I will give more...."

Even though it can sometimes be frustrating to learn and grow only "line upon line" and "here a little and there a little," our Father in Heaven knows that this is the best way. We cannot tackle life's challenges always all at once. We cannot run a marathon the first time the running shoes go on. We cannot eat the elephant in one bite. But, learning, understanding, doing, and hearkening step-by-step can see us through our challenges. It's okay to not know everything all at once, for as we receive what we are given with "an ear unto...counsel," we are promised blessings and the ability to be given more understanding. With that understanding comes wisdom, and those who are truly wise have the understanding to put their knowledge to work, using their judgement to overcome any obstacle in their path, as long as it's one bite at a time!