Tuesdays with Melodee

 After I finally got the correct drugs in me this week, I started to feel much better.  Surprise, surprise!  I didn't vomit at all this week!  I still ate nothing but chicken soup and ice cream for 3-4 days, but am slowly returning back to *normal,* even though I can tell that the process is taking its toll on me.   

This whole thing is such a mental/physical/spiritual/emotional journey.  In my mind, I'm still ME, still able to go, go, go and get everything done.  Then, the fatigue or nausea or pains catch up to me, and I realize that I'm not only human, but a sick human at the moment.  I get tired and need to rest after doing a few simple tasks like getting the kids dressed and beds made.  Also, In my mind, I'm HUNGRY.  Mentally, I want to eat full meals, but then I start to eat  and realize that things just don't taste the same as they once did, and my stomach just can't handle what the chemicals in my brain are telling me I want to eat.  For example, I tried to eat some cereal this morning--Cinnamon Life--and it was revolting.  I couldn't stand the milk!  If only I wasn't held back by my physical limitations, this would be much easier.

My head, eyes, and eyebrows were itching like crazy this week, as what was left of my hair from before kept falling out.  I would wake up in the morning, and it looks like a gray-headed cat had been sleeping and shedding on my pillow.  I finally shaved the rest of the hair off this week.  I'm starting to feel like a different person, physically.  At least, I've been told, I have a good head for baldness.   

What a difference some makeup can make!   I'm getting better and better at coloring in eyebrows.  I wonder how long it will take for my hair to start growing back.  I can't wait to see how/if it changes.   

The good news is that I'm half-way through with the 2nd half of chemo.  It's nice to have these small checkpoints, since the REALLY long part is still to come.  I still have surgery{ies}, possible radiation, and FORTY more weekly doses of Herceptin.  Yes, 40!  It dawned on me this week what a daunting amount that is.  It's a bit discouraging to think about trying to do a weekly countdown, especially since 40 weeks reminds me of a pregnancy.  It's insane to me that I will have friends who will conceive, carry, and give birth to a child before I will be finished with this process.  At this point, I feel like I will never get this port out! I'll have to think about some other countdown that will make the whole timeline pass by more quickly.