Tuesdays with Melodee

It's Tuesday, and I'm not having drugs pumped in me!  Hooray! I could use that Benadryl-induced Tuesday nap, though. 

Thankfully, the worst of the effects from last week's chemo seem to be over.  I spent all day Friday and most of Saturday in the bathroom.  I felt well on Sunday morning--good thing, since I had to have the stamina to clean my son's vomit off his sheets---well enough, even, to go to church, but that was probably a mistake.  It's incredible how exhausting it has become to do "normal" things.  I feel so tired and out of breath all the time.  In my mind I can still accomplish all the tasks I need to and can keep running here and there with no problem, but I forget how weak and tired this physical body can get, especially after being physically sick for 36 hours.

Yesterday, it was Stephen's turn.  I hate to ask, "Why?!?," but what have we done to deserve this?  2013 is just not our year.  We are not only dealing with my breast cancer and the side-effects, stress, and inconvenience of chemo, but we all keep getting sick!!!  In the week that was supposed to start the toughest of my chemo rounds, EVERY PERSON IN OUR HOUSEHOLD was sick--vomiting/diarrhea/combination--not to mention the coughing and runny noses that won't subside.  I really think I could handle JUST chemo, but my experience with chemo has yet to be "just" chemo.       

Stephen seemed to be doing better by the evening, so we decided to go out as a family for some shaved ice at a grand opening of a new Bahama Bucks in town.  While waiting in line, Ryan kept saying his tummy hurt, so I sat down to hold him.  The minute we sat down, he vomited all over both of us.  As I made our way through crowds of people to the bathroom to wash off the sickening mess, I couldn't help but laugh a little.  And then get sick myself from the smell.  And shake my head and grin again.  You just can't make this stuff up!  We left with a stripped-down 3-year-old and a mom covered in soapy, wet, vomit remains---snow cones in hand--and drove home with the windows down, so the smell wouldn't make anyone else sick.  Fun times, I tell you. 

I thought back to a hymn we sang at church on Sunday.  "Count Your Blessings."  As we sang it on Sunday, that same feeling of grinning, shaking my head, and laughing came.  I'm not going to lie and say that the hymn turned me into a "glass-half-full" kind of gal.  I did not immediately start letting go of all the questions of "why" and "how" and "when will it end?"  All my doubts did not "fly," nor did we all skip merrily home, singing all the way with happy smiles on our faces.  A bright pathway did not open up before me, pouring out with blessings.  I am grateful for my blessings, and I know they are many.  However, in the trenches of hard times, it's not always easy to smile and sing and not be burdened down, just because you know you have much to be grateful for.  It's hard work to be care-free in times of trial.  That does not mean that the blessings are gone.  The part of the hymn that got to me on that day was to simply count my blessings; "name them one by one," especially when it is a struggle to start at one and count up when naming those blessings.  When the doubting questions are easier to ask, it's so much better to start adding up the facts--those things we know we can thank God for.

I'm thankful for running water.  I'm thankful for a washing machine.  I'm thankful for plenty of changes of clean clothes.  I'm thankful for Pepto and Zofran.  I'm thankful for understanding people who could help a sick mom get her sick kid out of the snow cone place.  I'm thankful for bath time and bedtime and for the gift to be able to start again each day because the days of 2013 sometimes just can't end quickly enough around here.  I'm thankful for each of my boys, and would be SO THANKFUL if they could all just start getting better and staying better.  Really, boys, you don't need to try to put yourself through this to make me feel like I'm not alone.  I'm fine taking this one for the team.  Let's just keep the sickness to a minimum and let Mommy get through it.  Once that is under control, it will all be SO much easier to count our blessings.