Sunday, February 24, 2013

Curveballs

Just when I think I have a pretty good handle on this new life and have this cancer thing pretty well figured out, I'm thrown a curve ball.

I was just talking about how grateful I am that I'm having the less severe chemo first, will get to keep my hair a little longer, and can get used to the schedule and how my body reacts to chemo before I have to worry about another major change.  Not a few days after that blog post, I was getting ready to go to a Young Women activity, and my hair just kept falling out.  I knew from the beginning that chemo would force me to have to deal with the loss of my hair, but I just had a different timeline mapped out in my mind.  Curveball.  I get to deal with it sooner than expected.

I decided to cut my hair pretty short, since that was the advice I was given by my doctor to help deal with the shock of losing the hair.  Apparently, it makes it less messy?  Well, I was also told that this first chemo would just cause my hair to "thin."  My interpretation of that word must be different than what is actually happening.  Every time I run my hands through my hair, 20 strands come out.  Trying to wash it is a mess.  Attempting to style it was even more of a joke.  I'm really just disappointed that this cute cut my stylist neighbor was kind enough to give me won't last longer than I was planning.  Curveball.  The short in-between-losing-it-all cut will not be much an an in-between after all. 



I was told NOTHING about weight loss/weight gain in all of this.  I assumed, if I'm being honest, that I might actually lose weight, what with the vomiting/change in appetite/sickness from chemo.  Part of me was like, "Hey, that's a positive spin on things.  If I'm going to be sick, at least I might be able to lose those last 10 pounds."  Oh, silly girl.  The weight thing has really slapped me in the face---or backside/gut/thighs.  I wasn't prepared for the weight gain.  It's been pretty extreme.  I really was working so hard to lose all of that baby weight and was SO CLOSE to my goal weight.  In no time, I feel like I'm half-way through another pregnancy, and it is rather depressing.  Curveball.  I get to add being fat to the *wonderful* list of side effects--especially those that I wasn't planning on!  

In addition to all of that *fun stuff* I may---or may not---have an incisional hernia near the site of my tubal ligation.  Add that to the list of things I need to have checked out.  Curveball!    

So, I've had a few rough times getting hit with all of these curveballs in the last few days.  There have been a few tears shed.  I try to be strong and handle whatever comes my way without {too much} complaining, but I also don't want to come off as fake.  It's hard to say that I'm doing well when someone asks because this stuff is HARD.  I know I'd be lying if I just smiled and said that everything is great.  It's not.  Some days are easier than others.  Some days I truly am ok, and others I'm just "ok."  But, all I can really do is take each day at a time and try to stay out of the way when the curve balls are thrown in my direction.   

5 comments:

  1. I love you and I love the haircut! You are beautiful no matter what! I'm here for you through anything sis! I love yoU!.

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  2. Your haircut is super cute! I'm sorry your doctor wasn't more up front with you about the hair loss time table. It's a hard thing to deal with; even when you are expecting it to happen at a certain time. It probably doesn't help, but you've kept your hair longer than I did :). Try to remember that you losing your hair means the chemo is doing what it's supposed to be doing. It's killing those fast dividing cells in your body (the cancer!!). Your hair follicles just happen to be made up of fast dividing cells too. Along with your fingernails, gastrointestinal tract, etc. Your body is reacting as is should for you to achieve your end goal! You can do it!

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  3. Mel. I had no idea you were dealing with this. I'm so sorry to hear and that things are really hard for you right now. I just want to give you a big *HUG. And I think your haircut is super cute if it helps any! You are STRONG girl. Love you! - Elizabeth Johnson

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  4. LOVE LOVE The haircut Melodee! You are so amazing, hang in there! We love you and will be always praying for you!!!!You can do this!

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  5. I'm sorry for all the curveballs coming your way. The interim short haircut, no matter how short the time may be, is SUPER CUTE. I'm sorry you won't be able to sport it for as long as you'd hoped, but hopefully that means the cancer is being attacked the way it should, and you're well on the road to beating some cancer butt. Weight gain sucks, no matter the reason, but if it's any consolation, it doesn't show. You look beautiful in your pictures. Lastly, don't apologize for keeping it real. We all have good days and bad days of varying degrees, and it helps us to vent, to show our friends and family our true selves, and brings us all closer together as we don't put on any fronts. Wish I could catch some of these curveballs for you, but I am here by your side as you courageously tackle each one. Love you!

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