Head Gear

Kyle has asked me several times, "Mom, is today the day all your hair falls off?" or "When is all your hair going to fall off?"  I think it's funny that of all the things we told him would happen with me being sick, the hair thing is the one he remembers most.  I guess he's looking forward with anxious curiosity to seeing the new hairless me. 

To try to transition the boys into getting used to the coming changes, I've gone around the house with my hair pulled up, in hats or in wraps.  Yesterday, I wore a head wrap all day.  Kyle saw me and immediately said, "Mom, you look pretty.  I like your hat."  That really helped to brighten my day, especially since yesterday was just a little unpleasant all day.  I'm not used to having headaches very often, but I seem to get them--dull, pounding, stressful ones--just about everyday.  I'm really only supposed to take Tylenol, and that just doesn't seem to knock them out. 

A few weeks ago, I got a package that my sister sent me with a bright and colorful head scarf in it.  I tried it on for fun.  Ryan came around the corner, stopped and stared, and said, "Mom!  You Jake!"  {Jake and the Neverland Pirates}  I'm feeling a great Halloween theme this year is in the works......

I also got a box from friend with breast cancer, a little further along in her journey than I.  We actually knew each other in Utah, in high school, and were even in the same church group.  She now lives in Texas, of all places, and connected with me through a common facebook friend and through this blog.  {The connections being made through this experience are blowing my mind!}  She sent a great wig that she never used and a few hats, too.  It's fun getting to try them out and slowly prepare myself for the hair loss.  How grateful I am for already being given so many tender mercies through this process!    

It's crazy that exactly one month ago today, I was meeting my oncologist for the first time, after only hearing my diagnosis of breast cancer the day before.  One of the hardest things to hit me was about losing my hair.  It's silly, I know, but something about that makes this whole idea of cancer and chemo "real."  If I wasn't Her2 +, the original chemo plan for FEC first would have already had me shaving my head.  I'm actually very grateful that I get to ease into the shock of the diagnosis, the aggressiveness of the treatment, the speed of everything moving forward, and still have some time to process the "new" me before I have to get used to the drastic physical changes, too.  I was able to get some family pictures taken, to take my time in accumulating some head accessories, and to have a few months with my hair, including going on our cruise in April.  I know the hair grows back, but I'm looking for small things to be glad for when there are many things to be scared/upset/worried about.  There are always things to be grateful for.   

As I was reading out of this daily devotional book I was given, the thought for the day is to remember the Lord's words: I AM WITH YOU.  It referenced Psalm 73: 23-26, but my favorite part was from verse 26: "My flesh and my heart faileth, but God is the strength of my heart."  I immediately thought about the ups and downs in this process--including the upcoming day when my "hair falls off" or "my flesh faileth." I don't have to worry about those things because I know that God is with me and gives me hope that He will be with me through this trial, giving me the strength I need to overcome it.  That makes something as insignificant as losing my hair much easier to bear.