In the Fire

I like analogies, okay?

Besides feeling like "I'm in a fog," on days, I've also described this experience as "a refiner's fire."  Trials in life are sometimes brought on by our choices or the choices of others.  Sometimes difficult things--things beyond our control or understanding--do just happen.  I believe it is in these painful/frustrating moments when we must endure certain trials to teach us, to humble us, to test our faith, to stretch us beyond what we thought possible, and to help us grow and become stronger.    

This cancer for me is one of those latter times of trial, more of a trial of fire.  The crazy thing about cancer and chemo is that the analogy of fire, a refiner's fire, becomes almost literal, as these chemicals are being pumped through my body, burning through cells, to refine by body and purge out the tumor.  It burns at times.  It's painful.  But, if I choose to not go through the pain of the treatment, I will die from the impurity of cancer.  

A few days after first writing about feeling like I am going through "the refiner's fire," I read a quote from another woman's story that perfectly described this analogy:

I have compared this situation many times to being in a fire and have asked these questions over and over: Who can withstand this type of heat? How long can we withstand this fire?
 God answered these questions for me in the following message from our dear friend from church: Malachi 3:3 says: "And he shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver.." This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God. One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study. 
That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver. As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities. 
The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says: "He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver." She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined. The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed. The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?" He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it."

  
I was so touched by how the silversmith described his role in the process and how this relates to Christ, as The Great Refiner, in our lives.  

I decided to do a little more study on the subject of a refiner and fire.  Since her story started with a question from a Bible study, I decided to start my search there.  I read ahead of the phrase she quoted to note that only those who withstand the refining and purifying will abide the day of His coming:    

Mal 3:2-3

But who may abide the day of his coming? and who shall stand when he appeareth? for he is like a refiner’s fire, and like fullers’ soap: And he shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver....

We must endure the trials to pass the test, but we have faith that He sits and watches us, knowing the exact amount of pressure and heat that each of us can stand, so that we CAN stand when He appeareth. 
This next verse tells that these trials of our faith are so that we can be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Christ.  I also find it interesting how our faith is to be held more precious than gold, though the trial of our faith is tried with fire. 

1 Peter 1:7
That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:

 When we have impurities (or tumors), the Lord will purge them away to make us pure.  

Isaiah 1: 25
And I will turn my hand upon these, and purely purge away they dross, and take away all thy tin

 Christ has refined us through our afflictions and has chosen us for our trials, so that we may might learn to call on His name and be His people. 

Isaiah 48:10
Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction.

 Zech 13:9
I will refine them as silver is refined, and will try them as gold is tried: they shall call on my name, and I will hear them: I will say, It is my people: and they shall say, The Lord is my God.

 There are biblical and historical references to being put through trials of fire.  The Judgement Day is described as a time of being judged by fire and either revealed to be gold/silver/precious jewels or wood/hay/stubble to be consumed by the flames.  It seems that this life is a test and we constantly have things to learn and work to do to become better people.  Sometimes things hurt.  Sometimes we fall down.  Sometimes it's hard to keep going. 

On my day of Breakdown, I heard a song that I'd heard before, but it suddenly had more meaning and has become somewhat of an anthem for me to never give up.  You might know it, too:

Where there is desire
There is gonna be a flame
Where there is a flame
Someone's bound to get burned
But just because it burns
Doesn't mean you're gonna die
You've gotta get up and try try try
Gotta get up and try try try
You gotta get up and try try try

I have a great desire to live life--for me and for my family and friends.  This does suck a lot of days, and it does burn.  But, the burning isn't going to kill me.  Giving up would.  I have to get up and keep on trying each day to make it.  I have to face the heat and stay true to my core values or crush under the pressure.  I know I can because Christ is sitting there watching and holding me, ready to pull me out of the heat if the fire gets to be more than I can bear.