Tuesdays with Naqvi 2

We are on countdown for the first round of chemo!
Two of the first set of sessions are complete, which means there are only 10 more of those to go!

I'm at chemo by myself today, and am thinking about how nice it was for  my mom to get to bring me on my first time.  Even though I'm somewhat of a homebody and enjoy my quiet time, it was nice to not be alone at the beginning.


My vitals were normal today, even though a little higher--BP 120-something/60 something.  Maybe I'm more stressed than I thought!  I also gained 3 lbs.  That's right.  GAINED!  I guess the healing properties of Mexican food, real Dr. Pepper, and chocolate only work on mental/emotional health.  Or, maybe I need to get off the couch and stop eating bon-bons and watching soaps all day long.  Ha!

I've received quite a few questions about how I'm doing and how I feel with chemo.  I have to honestly say that things are going pretty well!  I feel a little bit more tired than usual and have been queasy just a couple of times.  I kept waiting for the bottom to fall out last week, to feel crummy on the day after or day 3--the days other people have said were their worst--or to just have my own negative experience of an unpleasant/sick/tired/awful/especially hard day.  Thankfully, that wasn't the case last week.  {It had something to do with all the prayers being said for me, I'm sure!}

We did have the sickness return to the house, which was my only real complaint.  Evan and Ryan both went into the doctor on Friday, after coughing and snotting since Tuesday--ear infections and upper respiratory junk.  Kyle should've gone in with them because he developed it on Saturday.  I also started feeling pretty poorly on Friday, and called Dr. Naqvi.  She prescribed something right away.  {On a side note: this is something I enjoy about all of this: the prompt medical care.  I can play the "cancer card" and get pretty much whatever I need without having to drive all the way down here for an actual doctor visit.  It reminds me of how my OB/GYN was during pregnancy and even while nursing.  I love all that extra care and medical attention during times of delicate health conditions.  That's another silver lining in all of this.}  I am sure that if I didn't feel so crummy with congestion/sore throat/coughing/sneezing/upper respiratory junk that my boys gave me, I would be handling things fairly well.  The only few true complaints I've had are that the immunity booster shot causes the bones to mass-produce white blood cells in preparation for the chemo to wipe a bunch of them out, and that gave me a few aches and pains--mostly in my hips/legs.  I've also had what feels like a constant headache most of the week.  Sleeping has been a little difficult with all the coughing, but Xanax is a wonderful thing, and I'm on meds to take care of this infection.

Today's chemo is flying by!  I started right at 10 this morning.  The needle hurt a bit more this week--even though I put extra cream on it.  {After I thought about the stick from last week, I really was surprised that it hurt even as much as it did, with the numbing cream on there for 2 hours before.  Maybe I'm a wimp.}  My cocktail today included a little less Benadryl, so I only felt truly sleepy for a short time.  It's interesting that there was also some Zantac mixed in.  Talk about literal heartburn!  I slept maybe 30 minutes, but was more aware of what was going on around me--not totally zonked out this time.  I feel much more productive and less out of things today, thankfully.

Since I have this mandatory time each week to be hooked up to these drugs and unable to do much of anything else, I'm really trying to make good use of my "Mother's Day Out" days.  Of course, it's fun to play games and do mindless things, but I've set a little bit of a goal to do positive and uplifting things, too.  I got called to serve the young women in our ward as their Personal Progress leader right before I was diagnosed with cancer.  I literally had my first meeting with the Young Women President to learn about my roles for this calling a few hours before hearing about my breast cancer for the first time.  I don't believe there are many coincidences in life, and I feel like this was something that I was meant to do this year.   I have also felt very inspired to work on completing the Personal Progress goals right along with the girls.  I would really love to receive my Young Woman Recognition under this new program, as a leader, especially since I don't have any daughters of my own to assist in the goal-making and keeping as a mother.  How blessed I have been to start with the value of Faith, reading scriptures about faith and seeing it from a new perspective.  Some of my favorite lines from my studies today:


Hebrews 11:1  "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." 

I have hope that this cancer will be healed and that God will bless me and my family through this trial, and there is evidence of His work in our lives, even though we can't see everything.

Hebrews 11 goes on to summarize basically the whole Old Testament, mostly beginning each story with "through faith...."

Verse 33-39 sums up basically some serious trials of believers:
"who through faith
subdued kingdomes,
wrought righteousness,
obtained promises,
stopped the mouths of lions,
quenched the violence of fire,
escaped the edge of the sword,
OUT OF WEAKNESS WERE MADE STRONG,
waxed valiant in fight,
turned to flight the armies of aliens.
Women received their dead raised to life again;
and others were tortured....
and others had a trial of cruel mockings and scourgings....
they were stoned,
they were sawn asunder,
were tempted,
were slain with the sword,
they wandered about in sheepskins and goatskins; being destitute, afflicted, tormented;
they wandered in deserts and in mountains, and in dens and caves of the earth.  

And these all, having obtained a good report through faith:
God having provided some better thing for us, that they without us should not be made perfect."


That long list of awful trials is much worse than a little Stage 2B cancer.  I'm not wandering, destitute, in the wilderness in only sheepskin.  I don't have to worry about being slain by the sword or have to escape the mouths of lions.  I have the best medical care, the best support, and I know that I WILL obtain a "good report through faith" when my treatment is complete.  He wants me to go through this because I will grow and there will be something better for me, to be made more perfect.


From the Book of Mormon:
Alma 32: 21: "And now as I said concerning faith--faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things; therefore if ye have faith ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true."


Alma 32: 34: {talking about an experiment of faith--putting your faith to work and seeing the good results, one area/principle at a time.}
"And now, behold, is your knowledge perfect?  Yea, your knowledge is perfect in that thing, and  your faith is dormant; and this because you know, for ye know that the words hath swelled your souls, and ye also know that it hath sprouted up, that your understanding doth begin to be enlightened, and your mind doth begin to understand." 

I love the idea of having faith turn to knowledge about something because you have experienced it, learned it.  Once you know something to be true, you don't have to just hope it's true.  You KNOW it, so faith is dormant.  Somehow "dormant" stood out to me in relation to cancer because I immediately wondered how long these cells have been dormant in my body and for what purpose they started to aggressively grow now.  The phrase about faith "sprouted up, that your understanding doth begin to be enlightened and your mind doth begin to understand" applied to that, also.  The more I understand about this cancer and the treatment for it, the better I understand why the Lord has chosen this trial for my life.

Ether 12:6 "Faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until AFTER the trial of your faith."

Obviously, there are many questions about this trial that we will not have answered or understand until after the trial of our faith.  That is very difficult sometimes, but amazing and humbling to be able to look back after that trial has passed.  We look forward to that day with hope. 

I felt very good about my "Me Day" today---some thank you cards written, studied a little about faith, talked to some people on the phones, had a few snacks, took a little nap, and filled the rest of the time by checking facebook, pinterest, and playing a little Plants vs. Zombies.  Not a bad day--minus that pesky chemo.  My new ipad, complete with the PINK keyboard cover came in very handy today.  And chocolate.  That was delicious, too!  Love it!

Only complaints: the needle was a bit painful around the tumor was pretty uncomfortable and even bit painful today.  I'm starting to get that metallic taste in my mouth.  Maybe that will help with the weight loss!  Also, Lilith Medusa {my tumor} knows we're coming for her and was throwing a fit.  We're smoking that monster out, one week at a time!

P.S.  Speaking of smoking the monsters out: We caught the mouse!  My house has been reenforced with all kinds of anti-rodent barricades: traps, poison packs, peppermint oil, high-pitched sound devices.  Those little pests can find new homes because they are not welcome here.     


*After chemo, I walked next door to visit briefly with Dr. Pollack, just a post-op appointment to make sure I'm healing up and there's no problems.  The nurse cut out the one external stitch, and Dr. Pollack just checked the port area and the biopsy spot.  She said it's healing up and there's even less bruising than she expected.  She restated what we already knew that there are tumors in the axillary lymph nodes, but that simply confirms what the scan predicted.  My stage is still 2B, and nothing in the treatment will change from this confirmation.