This one quote could probably sum up my entire life story, seeing as doors in the hallway of my plans are constantly shutting and new pathways are opened up. Stephen and I often joke about how many plans we've made over the years and how we have not only had to come up with a "Plan B," but also plans C, D, E, and so on.....We make goals and work toward them, but often our plans and our ideas come to an end in some way. What we thought was the best course of action often ends in a dead end. Doors are often shut.
There are a few ways to deal with the frustration and disappointment that comes with doors being closed: the end of dreams, the realization that what we thought we wanted or what we had planned is not going to come to pass. We could become discouraged and give up, always asking, "Why do bad things happen to good people?" or "What have I done to deserve this?" We could quit trying. We could look at the world through pessimistic eyes, knowing that no matter what we do or how hard we try, nothing is ever going to go our way. We could lose faith in a Father in Heaven who is supposed to love and bless His children, all the while questioning our purpose on this earth. We could beat our heads against that closed door, but that serves no purpose other than causing more pain. Helen Keller said, "When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us." Instead of staring at those closed doors and hating the world because of them, we could pick ourselves up, turn, and keep going. The light from the new windows or doors that often open for us can reveal previously unseen opportunities. We could look past the hurt/discouragement/diappointment/fear and find a new direction. Often, the new paths that are opened up for us offer more blessings and experiences than we could have guessed were possible.
Two years ago, Stephen and I were finally on our way. Three healthy boys had been born to our family, something we once thought might never happen. We bought our first home in a beautiful neighborhood, with great neighbors, and bought that particular home because of the area, the schools, and the long-term benefits. We planned to stay and put down roots. Almost a year into that current plan, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Slam! That door of happiness shut. I still remember one day of feeling so totally lost and in despair that I cried until I could cry no more. But after that, I saw the light from an open window and realized that I had to keep going. I would find happiness and joy, even when my path was altered by unforseen events. I couldn't keep moving and see the blessings The Lord had in store for us if I sat and stared at that closed door, wishing to go back to the past. So, we all stepped into the unknown and started a new journey.
Soon, this cancer journey will come to a close, and we will be on to the next chapter. The Lord has opened up some amazing opportunities for us, paths we probably would never have seen if we had not experienced the struggle and heart break of the past year. Odd enough, part of me is going to be sad to close this chapter. I will miss the reflection, the comradery, the increased purpose to fight for life. I will miss the experience of sharing my thoughts on the journey. I will miss the platform. Even though those closest to me will always remember what we overcame, soon there will be no more evidence of my struggle than a few hidden scars. I'm now going to have to learn how to simply return back to "normal" life, and even that will take some getting used to. I think I've finally learned how to be thankful for this trial and how to recognize the blessings it has brought into my life. Going through the door of cancer has opened up more windows than we knew we had, and I know The Lord has had a hand in all of it.
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