H&P #35, Shot #2, Appointment with Fleener

Good news today!

I had an appointment with Dr. Fleener this morning.  She gave me the result from my Muga test, and my heart is back to normal.  (just above 55, up from 50.)  This meant I was able to continue treatment!  I had my regular drugs, the 2nd of the 3 month Zoladex shots, and a Zometa infusion for my bones.  The other good news is that I had remembered to write down all my questions since the last appointment, and I got answers to all of them today!   It was a long, LONG day.  (And I bled all over my shirt after the shot in my belly.  Thank goodness for hydrogen peroxide and Tide Sticks!)

The bad news was I wasn’t able to make my traditional chemo-day lunch, as Jesse’s closed before I was finished.  There’s always next time!  The other bad news is that I keep going through these cycles of coughs/congestion.  I'll just get over it, and someone else will bring more germs into the house from who-knows-where.  At least I don't have to worry about that other monthly cycle anymore!  I was coughing and snotting a lot and enjoyed the long, Benadryl-induced nap:

It was nice to catch up with a friend, who's also five years post diagnosis.  We take one of the same drugs and are on the same 3-week schedule.  I like being able to share with people who "get it."

It’s an interesting state I’m in these days.   Grateful for remission, for sure, but still clouded by the unknown.  Will cancer come back?  Where this time and when?  How do I live, truly live, in the meantime?  I have been healed, for now, thanks to the miracles of modern medicine, prayers, hope, faith, and great blessings, but will this healing last?

What do I do now?  Two things come to mind:  1) Stand as a witness of God and of the mighty miracles that can happen by faith.  2) Have faith that God will continue to bless me AND faith that it will be okay when/if it is my time to be called home.


It is part of my gratitude for health and small victories in the battle with cancer that I express how God has blessed me and my family.  Through prayers and blessings and the Lord’s hand in all things, I am still here.  Stephen is still here supporting and loving me.  Our boys are developing with compassion and understanding in their learning, not having been stunted or damaged from the storm that has been over their lives, as well.  Finances have been stretched, but always come together.  We have been protected from injury and have healed from small and large illnesses.  Because of all these amazing blessings, I continue to try to be a light to others, especially young mothers who, unfortunately, find themselves in a similar situation to mine.  I have bad days, days I’m angry and tired and hurting and wishing it would all just go away, but I know that I am here, and as long as I can, I will stand up, speak out, and endure.


Hope in the face of great challenge can be a hard thing to grasp.  Faith in the unknown and against all odds sometimes seems aimless.  It can be easy to feel overwhelmed and lost, but I have learned to see the tender mercies in every day.  I have seen blessings from even the most simple hope and faith.  The windows of heaven continue to pour out blessings.  I have begun to understand that my God IS able to deliver me from the pain and turmoil of the fight with cancer, BUT IF NOT….I will still press forward in faith.  (see Daniel 3: 17-18).

Thank you to all of my warriors for helping me press on. 

MUGA #2

My last MUGA wasn't my favorite.  The health care pro (I'm not sure of his title) told me he couldn't use my port to draw blood because the markers that would go back in would block the images they needed of my heart if the blood was returned through my port.  He did a terrible job at my I.V.  I don't think he believed me when I told him I was a hard stick.  (You're not that good at IVs, dude.)  When a patient tells you their husband is a CRNA and doesn't understand why people can't get IVs in me because he thinks my veins look good, AND that every nurse that tries and fails mentions how my veins roll or blow, amazed because "your veins looked fine," maybe, just MAYBE you should listen.

I wasn't looking that forward to being a pincushion again.  My aunt was in town and prayed with me over my scan.  She mentioned that I would be calm and comforted and that those performing the scan would do a good job, among other reassuring things.

On the way to the hospital, the radio turned right on to "The Wind Beneath my Wings."  This song and the movie it's from have a special place in my heart for this same aunt who prayed with me, as well as dear friends.  I instantly felt love and support and a tender mercy that God was watching over and me KNOWS ME.  After that, "Fight Song" played on the same station = another sign of love, support, and strength, that I can DO THIS!  Finally, "Thunder" came on. This is my baby's (Evan's) favorite song right now.  I took it as a reminder of all those I love who are pulling and praying for me, and that nothing is impossible.

I first had to tackle the financial fight.  Every year I have to battle to pay the right people until I meet my deductible, often having to return for refunds from groups who wouldn't bill me, even when I insisted that I'd met my deductible, even if it wasn't all showing from the insurance company.  When the hospital first called to register me, they told me I would owe $1200 for the MUGA.  Nope.  I've had two doses of two cancer drugs, each one over my total out-of-pocket of $9,000.  I had a print-out from my beautiful friends in the financial department of the cancer clinic to prove it, with a statement that they could be called to verify.  Thankfully, that was accepted, and I didn't have to pay!

Next, was wait time.  The last time I was there in December, I ended up waiting for 2 1/2 hours!  I calmly mentioned that it would be nice not to have to do that again.   A call was made, and five minutes later, I was called back.

I started my explanation about IVs and how bad my veins are.  The tech (?) responded, "We can just access your port."  "WHHHHHAAAAT?!?"  I explained what happened last time.  She laughed.  "No.  We can use it here."  How's that for making my day????

Things were smooth sailing from there!  She removed some blood, took it to put the markers in, came back awhile later, put the blood back in, and took me to have the scan.  About 20 minutes after that, it was time to go.

Thank goodness for small miracles that become huge personal blessings!

Galentines Day

Last valentine’s day, I was just trying to survive. 

Some of my lovely Pink Warriors showed up to cheer and serve. 

This year, we all just got to celebrate. It’s amazing what a year can do!!!!

H&P #34

Time is a strange thing.  I can't believe it's already been three weeks, yet, here I am, back in the chair again.  I'm still here, having passed my 6-12 months life expectancy, but I try not to take any day for granted.

So, now what?

As it often is with trials of life, those times which are hardest to endure are usually because nothing is happening or because everything is happening all at once.  Nothing major is going on in the cancer department for me, and that's a good thing, but the unknown can be difficult to navigate.

For now, I'm just journeying on, one foot in front of the other into this year.  Today was an easy day.  After the headache and stress of trying to get my first treatment for 2018, I'm grateful that this one went smoothly.  It's nice when things just all work out sometimes.  All the things don't always work out, so when they do, I'm so grateful for those small miracles.