H&P #17 + appt. with Fleener

Seventeen.  

Seventeen treatments in 2016 + more in 2017.  That's almost perfect for a treatment once every three weeks.  

Today I met with Dr. Fleener.  She asked how things are going.  The phrase "praise Jesus" was offered more than once in response to my answers, that things are going well, mostly status quo.  No diarrhea, no extreme exhaustion, nothing out of the ordinary to report.  

"How's the rash?" she asked.  

"It's gone," I answered.

"Gone?"  

"Yes! Do you want to see?"

"Wow.  All I can see are the scars marking where the rash once was.  Praise Jesus!  Have you been putting cream on it?"

"NO. The only thing I've done differently is take vitamins for skin, hair, and nails, and my skin cleared up."

"Those do have Vitamin E.  As long as it keeps working, I say just keep taking it!  You are my poster-child patient!  I tell people I have a patient who's been on this Herceptin/Perjeta regimen for awhile, and she just keeps going along, doing well.  I'm going to write a book about you someday!!"

I won't come back until January 17th and will make an appointment for my ECHO and PET then, hopefully having met my deductible by then and worked out payments by then.  

The 17th.  of 2017. 

That number keeps jumping out at me.  I usually love celebrating the new year, thinking on the past year's goals and making resolutions for the year ahead.  This year, cancer is making that difficult.

Although 2016 has not been the best year in social events and new stories, it's been a good year for our family.  I've been in remission for the entire year!  We've traveled more and further than perhaps any other year.  My first book was published.  Stephen is the healthiest he's been in a decade.  We've had much joy and happiness.  And, cancer was hardly a blip on the screen.  

But, we're coming up on 2017, another odd-numbered year.  

Perhaps it's a superstitious thing, but the odd years haven't had the best record when it comes to cancer:

2013--1st diagnosis + treatments, surgeries

2014--beat cancer

2015--2nd diagnosis + treatments

2016--in remission

2017--?

As scared as I might be of cancer's return, especially in the next odd-numbered year, all that comes back to mind is:

FEAR NOT.

Fear not, for God is with me.

Fear not, believe only. (see Luke 8:50)

And, the words to a hymn:

Fear not, I am with thee; oh, be not dismayed,

For I am thy God and will still give thee aid.

I'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,

Upheld by my righteous, upheld by my righteous,

Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand. 

(see "How Firm a Foundation")

No matter what 2017 brings, I need not fear.  God knows me and will bless me, in every condition, with His eternal, unchangeable love.  

With that testimony, I can move forward with the knowledge that 2017 will be a good year, one in which I can continue stomping out cancer.  

H& P #16

Today, as I work toward a goal to Light the World, I was asked to ponder on and share a favorite scripture.  The first one that came to mind was one that has been a favorite since my high school days.  

And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them. (Ether 12:27)

I began to love this verse even more through a study and discussion in one of my years of seminary.  The teacher knew that most of the students, including myself, were familiar with this passage.  However, he wondered if anyone knew that back story that prompted this response from above.  We skimmed back a few verses and learned.  A prophet lists many great things that were done by faith.  He marvels at the miracles and blessings that come from God.  Then, he worries that the things he writes will not be received because he is not talented at writing.  He fears the mocking of others.

It was the next part that hit home:

And thou hast made us that we could write but little, because of the awkwardness of our hands.  (Ether 12:25).

All of my life I had been mocked because of the birth defect that caused my own hands to have "awkwardness."  There were many tasks made more challenging because of this weakness.  I had often complained in a similar way. 

However, God's answer is simple.  Everyone on earth has weakness.  God blesses us with talents, but he also allows for our individual weak areas.  When life is difficult or a task seems insurmountable, all He asks is that we turn to Him in faith.  When we recognize that we are weak and ask for God's help, it is then we He can make us strong.   

In different seasons of life, we describe the weakness and awkwardness of our experiences, perhaps something like this:

• "God, you've made it that I can sleep but little, because of the newness of my baby."
• "God, I feel that I can teach but little, because of the difficulty of my students."
• "My ability to make it through the day is but little, because of length of each hour.  
• "God, I only feel like surviving but little, because of the length of my battle."

In those low moments, humility is the answer.  Faith is a big part of it, too.  No matter what the awkwardness may be, there is help from on high to overcome, to develop, to become strong enough to endure.  And, when you begin to see that strength, the ways in which the Lord is blessing you and making your "weak things become strong," that is when you see the miracles of life-both the large and the small.  

One such miracle I've notice in my life, (Beside the headaches finally going away!), is one I see in the mirror everyday.  Early on in the treatment of cancer this time around, I began to have a terrible skin reaction.  The doctors and nurses all believed it was an allergic reaction or a side effect from one, or more of, my drugs.  Then, when I completed the hard chemo, we'd hoped the rash would go away, too.  No such luck--they were here to stay and often became worse: large, red, itchy, and sometimes even with whiteheads.  Thankfully, they were mostly contained to my torso, rarely popping up on legs, arms, or face.  Here's a refresher from July 2nd:

I have not changed my drug list.  I continue to receive the same cancer treatments that were causing this unfortunate side effect.  However, the reaction has not been bad in the last few months.  If fact, it's starting to heal!  

(You can still see the traces of my mastectomy and the drain exit points.) 

Whether it's my body building up resistance, the new hair, skin, & nails vitamins I started taking, or God simply helping me to be strong enough to overcome, I'm so grateful for this relief!  My skin, as you can see, is not completely back to normal, but God is slowly and steadily, in a million different ways, making weak things become strong through countless miracles.  

Melodee Cooper is a Texan by birth, a Texas Aggie by choice, the wife of a fellow Aggie because “he loves her more,” and a mother of three boys by a combination of time, modern science, and divine intervention. She has taught both 5th and 6th grade math and science, and is now able to be a stay-at-home mom, an author, an amateur decorator, a crafter, a blogger, and a holiday enthusiast. She is battling Stage 4 cancer while remaining optimistic and grateful for the blessings in her life. Melodee is the co-author of "Suffering & Surviving: Finding Sunshine in the Storm," and hopes to lift others through sharing her experiences and faith.