PET Scan

PET Scan time is not my favorite time.

The stress and anxiety of the unknowns and the dark cloud of questioning when cancer is going to return is hard enough; add on the unpleasantness of fasting for at least 6 hours prior to the study, plus 24 hours of a water/lean protein/green veggie diet?  Well, like I said....not my favorite.  

A massive headache from last night into the morning made it difficult to get out of bed.  Once I finally did, I walked into the kitchen to get breakfast for the boys and became instantly nauseous.  Running to the sink, I dry heaved, but nothing came out.....until I left to help the boys again....and threw up on the floor.  Again, nothing really came out....just bile.  And, I couldn't eat or drink anything to get that taste out of my mouth.  

Then came the fun part: dealing with insurance.  Thankfully, the wonderful ladies at Dr. Fleener's office are AMAZING and helped convince the hospital people to not collect the full deductible from me, but to wait until their claim went through.  

My wonderful oncology nurses happily accessed my port, so I didn't need an IV.  They could tell I wasn't my *normal* self, so asked me to come back after the scan to get some fluids and possibly nausea meds.  

It was then time to get my wonderful injection of radioactive isotopes and wait for that junk to get through my body.  The scan is the easy part: just lie still with my arms over my head and practically sleep for an hour.  

I'm glad for the love and care from the nurses who insisted in getting me fluids and crackers and juice to help get me back to myself again.  

Now, home to rest and get rid of this massive headache and back to waiting and hoping for good results!!!

H&P #18

I finally took the boys to go see Disney's new movie, Moana.

I LOVED IT!!!  I thought it was a beautiful story, with beautiful imagery, and it made me want to take another trip to some islands.  I enjoyed so much of Moana's story--she was chosen for great things, she was conflicted about how and where she should lead her people, her courage/determination/spunk, her desire to make the world a better place.

**spoilers ahead!**

My favorite side story of the movie was the amazing theme of love within a family.  It's not often that Disney gives us a story of a full family unit, as princesses often lose parents, grow up not knowing parents, have only one parent, etc.  Moana shows the love of father, mother, daughter, and grandmother, which all play a great role in her story.  In the great circle of life, as Moana grows, we see Gramma Tala aging, as well.  It is when Gramma becomes ill and close to death that Moana gains the strength she needs to leave and fulfill her life's mission.

This scene struck a chord with me, especially Gramma Tala's dying words to Moana.

After Gramma's encouragement and plea for Moana to go, leave, become who she was always meant to be by doing what she as always meant to do, Moana responds, tearfully, "I can't leave you!"

Gramma Tala's answer was so powerful to me: 
"There is no where you could go that I won’t be with you."

I know the tears which came next were not for Gramma's death or Moana's courage to try, but in relation to my own life.  Unfortunately, I have had to come face to face with the very real possibility that I will die long before I want and much sooner than I could have imagined.  At that moment in the movie, I pictured myself----MANY YEARS down the road---giving my last words of counsel and encouragement to my own children.  And, what better answer when they cry that me leaving is too soon and they don't want to or can't go on without me than to copy Gramma Tala:  My son, "There is no where you could go that I won't be with you."  For, I strongly believe that my calling of mother will not end with my last breath in this life.  I, too, will be with them on their journeys, giving them comfort, protection, encouragement, and love.

For, really, isn't this something each of us has already been promised before when we fear the hard journeys of life?

Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.
                                                        (Joshua 1:9)

As we embark on the difficult, sometimes dangerous, paths to fulfill our destinies, and become the people we were always meant to be, may we always remember that the Lord has gone before us, so that He can be with us where ever we may go.  There is, truly, no where we could go that He will not be with us.  Knowing that is the best reason to follow him, by being strong and of good courage, not afraid or dismayed in the challenges we face in doing what must be done, no matter the hardships.

The hardest part in all of my cancer journey has been facing the possibility of leaving my family far too soon from mortality.  Even this should not be a fear, if I believe that God will get me (and them) through it  because He is with me (and them).  And, because He does this for me, I take great comfort in being able to pass that comfort onto my children.

That helps me "be not afraid."