The waiting for results is over, but sometimes getting past the waiting place for one thing doesn't change the overall level of concern. After a longer than normal wait this morning, I FINALLY learned about my CT scans from last week.
Today's results were not terrible, but were also less than impressive.
I had scans on my brain, my chest, and my abdominal/pelvic regions. In some places, the chemo cocktail I'm currently taking has been keeping the beast at bay. In others, there are little additions of baby spots or new causes for concern.
Dr. Cole wonders if taking time off to fight infection could have complicated the projected program more than expected.
Who really knows, especially because this cocktail was only approved THIS YEAR? (We ALL know about this year.) There is just not enough information about all the side effects and life expectancy for me to keep moving forward with the pills with absolute faith. I've also been anxious about all the changes we have had to make in just a few months: the extra pauses, the changes in doses, and what seemed to be more extensive side effects to me than what I read about in the initial reports. Plus, I think the scan results show that the current plan of pills could not be counted on to kill my kind of cancer in the near future.
Dr. Cole presented me with another decision to make: Keep the status quo and stay with the pills, or switch back to chemotherapy via infusion. I considered that all the other times I've been given treatment, from the very beginning, up until now, They have been in two forms: radiation or infusion. Up until now, those treatments have killed off my cancer, like weed spray kills off destructive plants. (I realize that doctors have not been able to sustain these former massacres over the long haul, but these pills can't even conquer the battle of 2020.)
After my appointment, I did have an infusion of Herceptin, number 71. (For those keeping track, I did not blog about the 70th dose of Herceptin, which happened when I was feeling all the dark feelings.).
Dr. Cole is double-checking my medical history to confirm that the new chemotherapy she is suggesting I start is one that I have not already received. No matter which one is chosen, her new plan is to switch to a weekly delivery. Every three weeks would most likely be too strong for one dose, and my body seems to be less able to handle big doses of this poison. Having a weaker dose, more often seems to have the better outlook.
I find myself in another waiting place, one in which I do have more knowledge to work with than I had before today. Now I'm waiting to find out a new poison projection for my future.
For now, I am off the pills and back to hoping and moving forward with faith in God's plan for my life. I know that I am here to reach hearts, lift hopes and teach about my trials. As long as I am able to fight for this mission, I will keep kicking the cancer back.
(I also had to obtain a doctor's note to be able to schedule an appointment with my new dentist. Thanks, insurance.)
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