Days After Chemotherapy

Day One:  More Chemo

Whenever I had nightmares as a child, my mom taught me to think about rainbows and unicorns and other lovely things.  Those happy, joyful images seemed to drown out the bad ones, and my mind was ready for sleep again.

I believe this bad dream cure has transferred over to a life skill: Plan for the worst and hope for the best.  In this current nightmare of cancer treatment--again--the plan seems to be working!  I've had this cocktail before, but I was younger and healthier and my body had not been torn inside out with surgeries and lasers and reactions.  But, it was the same thing, and I could handle it, even with a treatment every Tuesday + a return for the hated shot on Wednesday + labs on Friday.

Now that I'm older with more scars, I thought this might be more difficult. I imagined staying in bed for days, dealing with sour stomach and bowels, never too far from the toilet.  That was the plan, which did not include a mind-calming unicorn, pooping Skittles and rainbows.

So, I prepared for the worse.  Prior to chemo, I had meds on board.  I took some pain and anxiety pills, along with anti-vomit and anti-diarrhea + a small women's laxative, to balance all of what could plug me up, even if chemo did the opposite.

I said a prayer and felt the healing and love from prayers from all over, decided to go against my usual style of a colored wig and fancy shoes, and went for comfort in sweats.  (It's been cold here!). But, I did have a smile on my face and hope that this time would be fine.

I had more good, old friend, Benadryl Cocktail, which put me right to sleep---a DEEP one--which I was surprised about, since there was a time I was pretty numb to her ways.  That sleep was a good one, and it might have even contained a rainbow or two!





Day Two: A Day At Home

I didn't plan many things this day because things often take a person too far from a toilet.
However, by following the medicinal plans from my doctors, plus a few personal over-the-counter additions to tweak the process, I still felt like me!   There was no nausea, no sneak-attack vomiting, no diarrhea.  I even got laundry caught up and some online Christmas shopping done.  It was a good day.



Day Three: Palliative Care

When this appointment was made, I had NO IDEA what this was, to be honest.  I've never had such an official-sounding appointment plan, and even if I had been offered it, I probably would have not have time for it with toddlers and a kindergartener running around.  But, day three was another great day, so I went.  And, I even got into some jeans and a festive hat.

My Frisco friend who has driven me to most of my appointments has experience with this office and many of the people there.  It's not my story to tell, but she had another good friend who worked with this group of doctors and nurses and passed away from brain cancer.
As I met people who were not strangers to my friend, it felt easier for me to be myself and not have strangers there, either.
As I was interviewed about my journey, my current status-physical, mental, emotional, etc., as well as was services I was would need--therapy, help with legacy items, pain management, hospice care, funeral planning.....several sets of eyes and slight smiles looked back.  I have all those things in the works already, and they could not believe it.
And, I found in that office, a tender mercy that helps me to know there is still work for me to do.  I was asked to work with them on helping other mothers of young children who have this disease be able to find a place of hope and peace and joy, to help their children understand, to leave a legacy of memories, and to use that positivity to soak in every moment.  Self-care and personal emotional health is a start.  If you don't find a way to take care of your own mind and body, it becomes difficult to bless your own family.  And, I want to pass things that I have learned to others.

It struck me a few years ago when someone from one of my Breast Cancer Support Groups mentioned that my story "wasn't inspirational enough" because I didn't stay cancer-free.  That really stung.  Yes, it's a downer that I don't have that "perfect" story of fighting that miraculous battle and never having the enemy knock down my door again.  But, let's be real, y'all.  If it wasn't cancer again, there would be another enemy.  Loss of loved ones, difficulties with children's health or disabilities, job loss, marital issues, natural disasters, car accidents, fires, loss of freedom, war, poverty, theft, unexpected tragedies, The list goes on and on.  Because I can be an example for how to fight my cancer--through hope and faith and a study of Christ and prayers to God on my behalf, I can be here--again and again--to teach others to think of their own rainbows and unicorns to drown out the enemy of discouragement and darkness.  And, that, my friends IS INSPIRATIONAL.





(Stick kickin' it to the curb....even if it never goes away.  I'll be there to drown out those nightmares from the other side!)